Why Jump?

I still get questions as to why I decided to make my exit in radio. Side note: broadcasting, whether it be television or radio is NOT off the market for me; it was for the interim for me to move, but there will not be a final goodbye; at least, not for a long time.  For those who don't know, I was a radio and television personality for 11 years, since I was 18 years-old. I loved the path that God took me on when it came to being an on-air talent and having my own shows that successfully grabbed high ratings in whatever market I was in. So why leave it? That cushion? The world of entertainment, which was my world for a majority of my life?

Broadcasting as a talent was literally ALL that I knew. 

It wasn't easy to take that leap of faith. I struggled with it many times when God revealed to me that it was my time to leave and move to Los Angeles. He wanted me to move to a city that I adored. He wanted me to move with no job, no place to live, no money, with no security EXCEPT that God's got me. Sounds nuts, but I did it, I was able to see what I was able to do WITHOUT a crutch.  When I finally moved, I realized that this move was no different from the ones prior. I've done this before so why was LA so scary?

So back on subject, why jump? 

Because now, I can look back at the past year and smile at this amazing beginning that God has granted me....again. What I thought was the end, aka leaving all that I knew in broadcasting, it was only the beginning. I've written two full movie scripts that are in circulation (working on a third),  I finished an original comedy series aimed for TV or a Netflix type broadcast, I landed one of many dream jobs as a full-time freelance writer for an amazing company and,I have a few more loose ends that are tightening up that I can't share just yet (but it's major news).

I make jumps because I refuse to say "what if?"

 I bitched, cried, doubted, got mad, screamed and lost my shit. I want to make sure that you understand, that I still go through those moments of emotions. It wasn't just a one-time thing then poof I'm healed. I wish it were the case. At the end of it all, this beginning is going to lead to so many things.

I know some of you are wanting me back in broadcasting and that is something I will never escape and don't plan on leaving for good. In God's perfect timing I will be back in it. Hmm...maybe THAT might be my major news that I can't share with you? Never know ;)

<3 Ebony 

Say YES to Yourself!

After I had a little mental breakdown a few weeks ago, I realized the importance of many things. Today I want to share the importance of saying YES to yourself.

When you say YES to yourself, you're saying no to your fears. 

There's plenty of things to be scared of in this world. That's crazy to say after psychologists have discovered that we were only born with two fears, 1. falling and 2. loud noises. So where did the other fears come from?  We created those fears, so since we created them we can easily defeat them. 

Here's something that you might find silly and hard to believe. Despite always being in the spotlight, having to host events and be in front of crowds as big as 20k, I had a fear of going to major events alone. Seems strange given my background and the fact that I go everywhere alone. It's different when it's in a social setting. I had a very important event to go too the other day, a lot of heavy hitters were there and I was determined to meet as many as I could. After all, we knew OF one another just have never met. 

The moment I decided to attend this event, the days leading up to it, I was overcome with such anxiety. It was bad, I got the shakes, felt like my gut was going to drop from my body, my mind was telling me how horrible it would be and how I would mess it up. So many things were going on. Then I started reading the word of God. I started to share these thoughts with someone I trusted. It was then revealed to me, that I AM bigger than my fears. 

I sucked it up and went to the event. I was alone, had a great time and didn't get a chance to meet anyone that I set my sights on meeting. I went home very disappointed and even expressed that to Papa (God). The Holy Spirit came over me as loud as can be, which is strange because he usually whispers, anywho he said this: 

You misunderstood the purpose of the event. 

It wasn't so that you could meet a specific person, 

the purpose was so you can defeat your fear. 

I sat for a moment and honed in on that voice. I took my time to realize what I just did and how that was big for me. I did something that I usually avoid and once I was there, my fear no longer existed. Starting today, I want you to try and tackle your fear. It's time for you to reach your full potential and be unstoppable. Don't wait for the New Year for a New You, do that now, start today. 

Face that fear and make it submit to you, don't submit to it. 

<3 Ebony 

The Beauty of Panic : GOD WHERE ARE YOU?!

I laughed really hard when I read the title of this blog out loud. The Beauty of Panic! What maniac finds beauty in being panicked? What person in their right mind actually likes the heart-pounding, forehead sweating, gut-wrenching, almost get a heart attack freak out mode like one caused by panic?

Well, I guess you can say, that I do. 

Now hear me out, I hate panic when I'm in the middle of it. When I'm in a season where I have no idea what's going on and where to turn. When I have to wait on God, but then I can't hear God. I can't feel God. I start to doubt that he's even there. I start to think,

Does God really love me? Does He hear my cries? 

I mean, because if He hears my cries, then He's bound to come and rescue me.... right? He's bound to come down from the heavens himself, pull me out of the darkness and put me in a field of flowers and prayers answered.... right?

WRONG! 

I like to think that he gets a kick out of my temper tantrums. The moment when I have the nerve to pray big and bold but freak out when turmoil comes. I start to cry and scream GOD WHYY?! and He laughs and is probably like, Eb, my child. I'm preparing you for what you asked for. I can hear him saying that in the midst of me screaming bloody murder and throwing myself on the floor.

I can laugh at this now but over the weekend and even yesterday, 

I went as far as questioning if God is really real. 

That my friend is how DEEP I am. That is how DEEP this turmoil is. That is how DEEP my pain goes. That is how DEEP in shit I am, and how lonely I feel during this time. You get to a place where you're gasping for air and you know how to swim (pray) but you keep flopping around (not praying). You keep screaming for help and asking God where are you?! When in fact, he gave you a lifeline (the Bible). When in fact he extended that lifeline to me (gave me two friends, who prayed over me). When in fact he kept extending that lifeline (my two friends who prayed for me sent me scripts that pertained to my current struggle) But instead of those lifelines, I kept my eyes shut and kept crying for help.

How many of us cry for help but are to blind to get past our selfish thoughts to notice that help is literally right in front of us? That God will NEVER give us something that we can't handle. He gives us our battles because we are created to defeat them. He gave us our struggles because only WE can move past them. My two friends who were there for me, they can't fight this. They can help equip me though. They can allow God to use them to get to me in a way that God knows they can so I can understand.

That's exactly what he's doing. 

So in the middle of my panic, and I'm still a little panicky, he is RIGHT there with me. And Even though it may seem like he's not there with you. It might seem like he doesn't care. It might seem like he has left you, my friend he has not for it is written:

Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid or terrified 

because of them, the Lord your God goes with you, 

he will NEVER leave you NOR forsake you

- Deuteronomy 31: 6

<3 Ebony

Why Am I So Raw With My Writing?

Someone asked me this question: Why are you so open with your writing?

Dear someone who wants to remain anonymous,

I'm an open book. When it comes to my writing I'm even more raw because I refuse to be ashamed of who I am, what I am, what created me, or what life events I've been through that got me where I'm at today.

I'm so raw with my writing because I never know who I'm going to touch. Whose life I'm going to change just by opening up about my battles with depression, previous struggles with self-hate, abuse, denial, drama, trauma and the list goes on. I understand that I'm not the only one to have ever gone through what I've been through. By writing it out, I not only open a door for someone whose been there to reach out and give me advice. I also open a door to someone who is going through it and might feel as if they're the loneliest person in the universe. I write so that they don't feel like no one cares and no one understands.

I'm so raw in my writing because it's a gift that God gave me. He also helped me through all my hardships and I have to share that I made it, because I believed and he took care of me. I have to honor the one who allows me to continue my journey. Another reason why I'm raw with my writing is because some people, oddly enough find solace in my blogs.  Just knowing that I can help someone I've never met just by writing, that's what It's all about.

My blogs reach over eight countries. According to my analytics and views, I reach across the US, Russia, Ukraine, Germany, France, United Kingdom, Canada, India, Netherlands and Indonesia to name a few. That is why I added the translation icon on my blog, I want everyone who types in a keyword in Google who might need help, to hopefully get relief after reading my journey.

I write because my readers are my extended family, and like family we take care of one another. I write because you  matter, and I want you to know that. Whether you read a blog, a prayer that I write, personally message me "thank yous" etc. I read it all, I love it all and I accept the compliments, comments and concerns. I even accept the hatred and bullying. I write because no matter the backlash it's worth the release.

<3 Ebony

Dear Men and Dear Women...

Dear Men,
The ones who know how to be men. The ones who know how to treat people with respect. To the ones who are honest, kind, forgiving, faithful, loyal, who still open doors, offer their jackets, pump the gas, and give a nice compliment.I know you may think that what you're doing is going unnoticed, but it is not. I see you, and I appreciate you. If the one you're with or trying to court doesn't appreciate it, then they aren't the one who deserves you. Here's the thing, to all my men out there who encounter the ungrateful, rude, ignorant, vindictive woman just know that she is not the representation of all women.

Dear Women,
The ones who know how to be a lady even when you want to act up and curse someone out. The ones who don't need to be naked to get a mans attention The one who isn't rude or messy instead she is smart,confident, honest, faithful, loyal and not judgmental. To the woman who helps her fellow women succeed, instead of focusing on tearing her down. I see you, and I am very proud of you for acting with grace and dignity; in a world where reality TV is telling us to fight and hate one another. To the queens who encounter bad men, abusive ones of all types, physical, mental and emotional, just know that those men aren't a representation of all men.

Ladies and gents, we are all different and the good ones still exist. The good ones get left behind most of the time. The pure at heart ones always get walked on. The decent human begins experience some of the most ridiculous amounts of pain, and I have no idea why. The good ones, we might seem like our fairy-tale ending is never going to happen. We hold on to things that need to be let go. We might be a little defeated but there is always a way if God created will. Don't give up because you've experienced bad eggs. Don't hold the next one accountable for what the previous has done. Keep your eyes open and your hearts protected.

What I learned is, don't settle. Being in contentment is different from being in love. This was something I needed clarity on and God has shown me the definition from many experiences. Now that I know where I'm at in life, I feel so much better.  With that said Ladies and Gents my Queens and Kings you are truly appreciated and don't lose hope.

<3 Ebony

#repost

A photo posted by Ebony Williams (@ebonyonair) on Nov 23, 2016 at 4:10pm PST

Woman's Body

People lost their cool when Kim Kardashian posted another nude picture to her social media. (click here to check out the pic) Celebrities chimed in; fans praised Kim K, and others were just flat out rude. I want to know, why is it a surprise that she posted another nude picture? We have seen her naked plenty of times, and heck her launch to fame started off of a sex tape. I don't see an issue with it because well I LOVE the woman's body. It is beautiful, it is strong, and it has plenty of stories to tell from lying about orgasms to scars from an ex to its remarkable recovery rate from creating another human inside of it.

You have to invest your money in other areas besides beauty. Most people see the exterior of the Kardashians, their ridiculously long-running reality show that has NO SUBSTANCE and assume that things are handed to them. What they do not see, is the hard work, dedication, sleepless nights, long hours, days missed with friends and family to be on the road to stay relevant and rich. There is always more than what meets the eye; which is why I stopped judging celebrities and how they live.

There are ways for women to be heard, make a career, find love, have money and live happily ever after without showing their entire bodies. Yes, this is true. We also need to take into consideration, that some people don't have that luxury of having other outlets. So for those women, they do turn to being naked and using their assets to make their way. I don't mind either hustle, as a woman I can understand, but I can not relate to that path. I won't point a finger or judge because I don't know what it's like to walk in those shoes. All I know is that you have to do what you have to do.

Women are so hard on each other the most; it's a sad thing to see and read. We preach equality, rights and a bunch of other things. When someone is happy and embracing their sexuality i.e. Rihanna,  Kim Kardashian, Amber Rose, Pamela Anderson, Tyra Banks, Chrissy Teigen, those women get dragged to hell, WHY? Sexuality is a great thing, it's a beautiful thing, and the woman's body is incredible. It's okay to talk about sex, use sex, say you enjoy sex, express yourself, show your body, hide your body, keep quiet, or be loud.. TO EACH THEIR OWN. If you don't like what these women post, then stop looking.

The older I get, the more I understand Britney Spears' 2007 meltdown. Live your life and focus on yourself instead of hating on the next woman who made it, is making a way, or determined to be somebody

-Ebony

Same Love

Earlier this morning the Supreme Court ruled 5-4 to lift the ban on same sex marriage nationwide. As I sit and smile while I read articles, I then shake my head at the comments left under the post. This is always a topic of discussion at someones table everyday. I also get asked, personally, how I feel about the "issue" (side note, I hate when people call love an issue).

Here's how I feel about people who are homosexuals.

I don't care.

Seems harsh, but here's my reasoning for using those words. I don't care if you're gay, bisexual, transsexual, white, black, yellow, purple or red! All I care about is how your heart is. What you do in your personal life is none of my business. A friend told me that she hates on same sex love because as a straight person, she can't find that type of love or commitment. A handful of people that I know hate it because of religious reasons. If being with the same sex makes you happy, a better person, allows you to love on others and share greatness then okay, be you. That is not my lifestyle, it's not one I will frown upon on either. It's not one I will judge, because honey, I can't judge shit, especially from the things I've done in my past.

Here is what people read in the bible :

Leviticus 18:22: Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind, it is, an abomination.

Okay great.. I understand, here is what I read, which is the reason for me not judging but instead choosing to LOVE:

John 13:34-35- A new command I give you: Love one another. AS I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.

If you think same sex love is wrong then that's fine, but what's not fine is being nasty, mean, judegmental and a dick basically because of someone elses life. I'm sorry, I didn't know that Mary and Sara's love for one another is so hurtful to your personal life. Does their love stop you from going to work? Eating? Laughing? Loving? Thought so....

People also make me laugh when they get pissed about this, but have the audacity to preach equality for everyone. So here is what I see and hear

It's okay for a woman to buck up, be in a mans face, and even assault him, YET if a man were to do the same, its wrong...Because as a man you have to take it...

It's okay for a man to get a higher position over a woman because.. they're considered to be "better equipped" to handle business decisions.... YET most fortune 500 companies are ran by women... i.e. Yahoo inc...General Motors...Campbell Soup just to name a few.

Having love is what will bring people together, LOVE IS THE ANSWER! EXCEPT if it's love between the same sex, because that's "wrong" and "gross"

I'm a lover of people and of happiness. I'm not up for judging because I don't want to be judged. Who am I to tell you that how you love is wrong, when I haven't even come close to correcting my wrongs? Unfriend me, unlike my social pages if you must because I wont stand by some and scold others, I'll understand.

 So if you're gay, then congratulations on now being able to marry whenever and wherever you please.

<3 Eb

Liptak, A. (2015). New York Times: Same Sex Marriage is a Right Supreme Court Rules, 5-4. Retrieved from: http://www.nytimes.com/2015/06/27/us/supreme-court-same-sex-marriage.html?_r=0

3 Reasons why you need to buy Forest Hills Drive by J Cole

One of the most anticipated albums people have been wanting is from J Cole. Since his release of  Born Sinner in 2013 hip hop lovers have been WAITING for J Cole to drop a new album. On Dec 9th he released Forest Hills Drive. Before the album dropped it was leaked, of course I listened to it knowing that I will buy this album no matter what. While listening to his album and getting lost in his words I came up with three reasons why you need to buy this album.

1. It's reality that's spoken without fear. Thoughts and words we all have felt but for some that are to afraid to say it, Cole says it just perfectly.

2. It's proof that real hip hop isn't dead

3. It'll make you want to get up off your ass and do something with your life.

 Being motivated by one of the best, powerful most influential voices of our time. J. Cole is one of five artists that I listen to when I'm having writers block. Hearing another persons creativity will motivate you and get you out of that funk.

Just Let It Out... and Listen Too.

When we get hurt whether it be with friendships, love, family and so on; some of us and I'm guilty of this tend to put up this barrier to block people out. Some think that this is acceptable and will heal them. A great person in my life told me that closure is the best thing possible. It's not always for you, check this out. Say you are the one who hurt somebody. You two used to be close and for some reason you did something so screwed up it messes with that other person daily.

I was recently put in a situation where someone wanted to talk to me. I didn't have anything to say and didn't want to hear the bs storm that was about to come my way. BUT my friend told me "Just listen, let them get the closure and move on." When I asked why, he said: "Have you ever been hurt to the point to where you want to kill someone? Like your emotional being is thrown off by this one person, and if you could just release everything you'd be able to let it go?" So I sat there and stared at him for 5 minutes thinking about what he said. In my heart and mind I was placed in this situation before and just wanted to rip that other person a new one, but since I was unable too, it took a lot longer to move on.

Sometimes we as people need to vent and release, and guess what? There's nothing wrong with that.

So I reluctantly picked up the phone and allowed this person to speak, hey God said if you have an ear then lend it right? I felt better just listening and so did that other person who came to the conclusion that I wasn't the one he was mad at, what he said brought out so may skeletons that I had nothing to do with.

Sometimes people just need to talk.

Thanks to my friend, I've come to the realization that everyone is a little fucked up in life. Everyone has issues, everyone will mess up and everyone at some point in time will hurt someone. When I grasped that, my whole world changed and
I thank my great friend for that wake up call.



Moral of the story?? Well let people talk, even if you don't want to listen, it may end up doing you some good in the long run.

Lord knows it helped me, and now I'm at the happiest point I've ever been in, in my life.

Cherish What You Have Before It's Gone

She sits and waits as her prince comes in and takes
He yells and kicks, screams like there's no one around
She sits and takes it, holding back emotions and her frown
Her heart beats for him, but it's slowly starting to stop

One day he comes home
She's tired, worked a lot
He sees no dinner and starts a commotion
"you lazy woman, where's my food?"
He yells at the top of his lungs
hand in the air and face all crunched up.

"I'm sorry" she replied "I lost track of time"
Little did he know she was working both jobs
and just wanted to be home.
Her back was weak, her wrists didn't bend with ease
her makeup was non existent an her body grew fragile and skin pale


He lives in disbelief
his world is his
having an affair with a much younger mistress
forgetting about home and traveling else where
his new found love had so much life and love to spear!


He does not noticed because he's stuck in his own zone
He does not see that his queen, his wife, his lady is slowly perishing
He does not notice that she lost 20lbs
He does not see the pain in her face when taking each step day by day

Instead he sees a dirty house
Laundry not done
Dinner uncooked
Dishes left in the sink
and a wife that's sleeping

Shes been beat down
by the man she loves
Yet while fragile and weak her spine is strong enough to carry it all

The next day the man comes home
Sees the same thing as before
He slams down his suitcase and walks up the stairs
he noticed his wife's fragile body and thinning hair
Instead of checking on her he begins to yell
Throws a chair and papers in the air
Pulls off the covers and hits her with a pillow

Storming out the room and down the stairs
5 minutes pass the time
No wife rushing to his aide?
Dinner still not made?
He stomps up the stairs and yells "WOMAN GET THE HELL UP!"
No response no movement at all

He walks to her side and sits on the bed
places his hand on her head
Feels the coldness of her body
the weakness of her breath
He took time to calm down and notice he was in a room full of death

He began to cry in disbelief
he noticed she was holding a letter tight and close to her chest
Taking it away and opening it up slowly he began to read

"My dearest love of all, 

you don't notice me and failed at many things 

I never doubted you or made you feel less of a man. 

I held you high when others told me to let you fall. 

I placed you so close and dear to my heart.

 The day we said I DO I took my vows serious. 

Now I know I was more serious than you. 

After finding lipstick on shirts, and cuff links missing, 

after following you one day to the Marriott and your rescheduled meetings.

 I knew what you were doing, but I thought you would be man enough

 to tell me. Instead you infected me, hurt me and killed me. 

If you bothered to speak to me, you would know I've been 

diagnosed with AIDS. Thanks to you and your mistress 

you two can now live in peace. No more headaches for you 

and no more pain for me

-Love the ever so faithful "