The Beauty of Panic : GOD WHERE ARE YOU?!

I laughed really hard when I read the title of this blog out loud. The Beauty of Panic! What maniac finds beauty in being panicked? What person in their right mind actually likes the heart-pounding, forehead sweating, gut-wrenching, almost get a heart attack freak out mode like one caused by panic?

Well, I guess you can say, that I do. 

Now hear me out, I hate panic when I'm in the middle of it. When I'm in a season where I have no idea what's going on and where to turn. When I have to wait on God, but then I can't hear God. I can't feel God. I start to doubt that he's even there. I start to think,

Does God really love me? Does He hear my cries? 

I mean, because if He hears my cries, then He's bound to come and rescue me.... right? He's bound to come down from the heavens himself, pull me out of the darkness and put me in a field of flowers and prayers answered.... right?

WRONG! 

I like to think that he gets a kick out of my temper tantrums. The moment when I have the nerve to pray big and bold but freak out when turmoil comes. I start to cry and scream GOD WHYY?! and He laughs and is probably like, Eb, my child. I'm preparing you for what you asked for. I can hear him saying that in the midst of me screaming bloody murder and throwing myself on the floor.

I can laugh at this now but over the weekend and even yesterday, 

I went as far as questioning if God is really real. 

That my friend is how DEEP I am. That is how DEEP this turmoil is. That is how DEEP my pain goes. That is how DEEP in shit I am, and how lonely I feel during this time. You get to a place where you're gasping for air and you know how to swim (pray) but you keep flopping around (not praying). You keep screaming for help and asking God where are you?! When in fact, he gave you a lifeline (the Bible). When in fact he extended that lifeline to me (gave me two friends, who prayed over me). When in fact he kept extending that lifeline (my two friends who prayed for me sent me scripts that pertained to my current struggle) But instead of those lifelines, I kept my eyes shut and kept crying for help.

How many of us cry for help but are to blind to get past our selfish thoughts to notice that help is literally right in front of us? That God will NEVER give us something that we can't handle. He gives us our battles because we are created to defeat them. He gave us our struggles because only WE can move past them. My two friends who were there for me, they can't fight this. They can help equip me though. They can allow God to use them to get to me in a way that God knows they can so I can understand.

That's exactly what he's doing. 

So in the middle of my panic, and I'm still a little panicky, he is RIGHT there with me. And Even though it may seem like he's not there with you. It might seem like he doesn't care. It might seem like he has left you, my friend he has not for it is written:

Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid or terrified 

because of them, the Lord your God goes with you, 

he will NEVER leave you NOR forsake you

- Deuteronomy 31: 6

<3 Ebony

Matters of the Heart (Guess What? No One Else Matters)

Luke 12:34 : For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also. 

I was having a conversation with my best friend and we were discussing certain matters of the heart, feelings and acting on certain emotions. The heart is a tricky thing, when listening to it you have to be very careful, much like the verse in Matthew  15:19 states: For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies it can also help in the way of following the scripture of Like 12:34. Depending on what you are listening too the heart can lead you astray from the correct matters at hand. 





So question of the day! "What do you do when your heart is pulling you in a direction that you never pictured coming?" 

Personally I acted on this emotion, something new came my way when my mind was on something else. When this person came into my life I read more into it because we've known each other for so long I just assumed that something was meant to come out of this. So naturally what do I do? I follow those instincts, and boy did it lead me in a world of trouble. BUT I believe it was necessary;  because I learned so much about me as a person, a woman and what one should receive and give. It was painful, hurtful and overbearing at times but thank God it was over.  

Second question of the day!" What do you do when your heart is beating hard for someone but you just got out a relationship?" 


Ahh I read this question over and over again. I'm not going to lie I didn't even want to touch on this but you want it so here ya go. Life is short and is meant to be shared with others.

Lesson- those that are only meant for a season 

Blessing- those that are meant to be around for a long while


NOW you have to learn which people are a lesson or a blessing.PERFECT EXAMPLE! Kim Kardashian and Kanye West. People dog her because of her sex tape and because shes pregnant and still technically legally married. Now I like the Kardashians (like not love them) and truth is people don't know the situation but yet everyone has an opinion  Do you think that's stopping her? With everything she reads, hears sees on TV about her and what she faces every day the girl is still happy in her heart and with the one she wants to be with. In live you have to take shit, but as long as you don't listen to the haters you'll be fine. \

I'm still figuring out which people go to which category, but as I continue to life my life I realize that God does his work, and he will point them out in due time. So the best thing I would say is follow what makes you happy. Sure if you are fresh out of a relationship some people might pass judgement BUT truth is, who cares, they won't be taking care of you, only you and possibly that other person if things end up right. 

I had some more great questions, but I will answer them directly since they added names lol. I'm not a psychic or the one to go to about love. All I can speak on is my experience and release what God tells me to share when I ask him these questions. So with that being said, hope it helps! :)