I have plenty of friends who I listen to when they need to vent, cry or just talk. One thing that's consistent from my friends is that they're apologizing for being happy. Whether it be because they found someone who aided in that happiness over an ex, or enjoying the current state of life when others aren't or simply because they are just happy!
STOP IT!
I know we tend to feel guilty when our lives move forward and others around us might be stuck. I understand that awkwardness that comes when someone asks you "how are you?" or "what's new?" and you actually have good news; while in return their answers aren't the same. I know that it feels weird to express your happiness and have someone come in and be sad. That's okay, don't apologize for you being happy. You don't need to say sorry to your friend because you're in a better place and they don't like it. If they were a real friend despite what's going on in their life they will always be happy for you. (With that said don't be a prideful jerk about your happiness. You still need to remain humble and listen to your friend and hear their situation out)
Now when it comes to that ex of yours. You don't owe your ex an explanation. They don't need to know who you're with, why, when it happened etc because it's simply not their business. The day your business solely became yours is the day you two split. Don't allow them to make you feel bad because they might still have feelings for you. Don't allow them to make you feel bad because you're firm in the decision to go your separate ways. Don't let that happen because honey, misery loves company.
When I realized that one situation wasn't making me happy, I HAD to let that go. I can't allow myself to be miserable when God is trying to work wonders in my life. God told me what to do awhile ago and I ignored it, and I have to tell you I'm so glad I acknowledged him now. Letting that go, has opened so many doors for me to truly be happy. I don't feel guilty for letting that relationship go. I feel so good and relieved and revived! Now, do I know if what I might venture into with someone else will be the end of my love hunt? NOPE! But I do know, life is to short to not be happy.
At the end of the day, you know what makes you happy. Most of us won't let go of those who are hurting us because we feel some sort of guilt or obligation to stick around. When a situation isn't working baby, you have to let it go. Like Elsa, let that shit go, you'll be surprised by the blessing God will send your way when you just let go.
Monday, December 19, 2016
Thursday, December 15, 2016
R.I.P Craig Sager
Craig Sager lost his battle with cancer today, he was 65 years-old. To me he was serious broadcasting goals. Not only was he himself in every interview and report, but he wasn't scared to showcase it with his crazy ties and suits. I looked forward to when he was at a game not only to see what he was going to wear, but how he interacts with the athletes. It really makes me sad that he passed away, there will NEVER be another Craig Sager. R.I.P Craig Sager my heart goes out his family, friends and fans.
Monday, December 12, 2016
Why Am I So Raw With My Writing?
Someone asked me this question: Why are you so open with your writing?
Dear someone who wants to remain anonymous,
I'm an open book. When it comes to my writing I'm even more raw because I refuse to be ashamed of who I am, what I am, what created me, or what life events I've been through that got me where I'm at today.
I'm so raw with my writing because I never know who I'm going to touch. Whose life I'm going to change just by opening up about my battles with depression, previous struggles with self-hate, abuse, denial, drama, trauma and the list goes on. I understand that I'm not the only one to have ever gone through what I've been through. By writing it out, I not only open a door for someone whose been there to reach out and give me advice. I also open a door to someone who is going through it and might feel as if they're the loneliest person in the universe. I write so that they don't feel like no one cares and no one understands.
I'm so raw in my writing because it's a gift that God gave me. He also helped me through all my hardships and I have to share that I made it, because I believed and he took care of me. I have to honor the one who allows me to continue my journey. Another reason why I'm raw with my writing is because some people, oddly enough find solace in my blogs. Just knowing that I can help someone I've never met just by writing, that's what It's all about.
My blogs reach over eight countries. According to my analytics and views, I reach across the US, Russia, Ukraine, Germany, France, United Kingdom, Canada, India, Netherlands and Indonesia to name a few. That is why I added the translation icon on my blog, I want everyone who types in a keyword in Google who might need help, to hopefully get relief after reading my journey.
I write because my readers are my extended family, and like family we take care of one another. I write because you matter, and I want you to know that. Whether you read a blog, a prayer that I write, personally message me "thank yous" etc. I read it all, I love it all and I accept the compliments, comments and concerns. I even accept the hatred and bullying. I write because no matter the backlash it's worth the release.
<3 Ebony
Wednesday, December 7, 2016
Tuesday, December 6, 2016
2016 Victoria Secret Fashion Show: From Natural Hair, to a Pregnancy, Diversity and MORE!
Last night the Victoria Secret Fashion Show aired on CBS! I've been in love with this fashion show since I was little and saw Adrianna Lima owning the crowd and working the run way. I guess it was then, that she became my favorite Angel. Last night was full of wins to me , not just with the fashion and the music but with the women they had strutting their stuff.
Man I love HER!
1. The show showcased natural hair and it made me appreciate Victoria Secret a little more. Growing up watching television and seeing models on the covers of magazines I never saw someone like me. The hair, skin tone, attitude, happiness none of that was present. So to know that there are young girls out there who watched the show and saw someone like them, makes me extremely happy.
2. Diversity! I watch this fashion show every year and I even watch the replay, I haven't seen so many different races in this show in a long time. I loved seeing this because one day, there will be full figured models in this show!
3. A pregnant model! That's right one of the angels, Irina Shayk was in her second trimester last night! Victoria Secret could have easily gotten rid of her, but NOPE they adjusted and still let her work that runway!
4. I thought it was cuet when exes Bella Hadid and musical guest The Weekend shared the runway. She walked passed him and touched his stomach, they shared a smile and he watch her walk. This was Bella's first Victoria Secret Fashion Show along side sister Gigi Hadid.
5. Jasmine Tookes wore the $3 million bra!
6. The music...you can't have fashion without the music! For some reason I can't get my hands on the rest of the videos of Gaga, The Weekend and Bruno Mars, but when I do I'll post them!
Meet the Angels, watch all the perfromances and check out some of the hot items from the show CLICK HERE
Thursday, December 1, 2016
Tuesday, November 29, 2016
Don't Call Me Crazy
Don't call me CRAZY.
Man have I talked about this so many times especially in the wake of Kanye West and all these senseless shootings. I believe that crazy makes someone seem childish. It makes it seem like their pain and struggles, and how they act out or have erratic behavior is egotistic and crazy. We call them all these names, we have opinions, we discredit their creativity and possible success. We take away every accomplishment and replaced it with crazy. We take away the fact that they're human and instead call them crazy. That translates to you don't matter.
From personal experience, battling my demons and doing it alone. I was told that I always had someone there, friends, family etc. So when I went to those who "loved me" I was shunned and called crazy. Even when I post great blogs about previous sadness people comment how they are "always there for me" or "you're never alone" or "I'm here!" My response is and always will be, playing saint on social media means nothing
At my peak of being crazy, I was alone because the only one I had died when we were 12 years-old. I had no one, and on plenty of occasions tried to commit suicide. When I told my sister she said that I'm crazy and that I'm stupid along with some other choice words. She had the nerve to get an attitude with me and not hear out my emotions or state of mind. Another situation of many where I turned to "loved ones" who didn't love me. So from then on, that time in Las Vegas, I vowed to never speak intimate things with her again. I don't regret it, I never will because now I know who is there for me and I can count on them. Do you know how lonely it is to be called crazy? To not have someone take your pain seriously? Then they want to rush to your side when you try to off yourself or cry at the casket when you finally succeed with suicide.
When I first started this blog, I had no idea how many lives I would touch. I had no idea that there are plenty of people out there who are just like me. Who think like me, who suffer like me, who wonder like me, who question like me and who have no idea what life is about...just like me. This blog is a safe place for those who struggle with LIFE and whatever hell it tries to throw at you. This is the judgment free zone because it's LIFE and we are not crazy.
Even the ones who have a great family life, are the life of the party, seem to have it all together according to social media doesn't mean that it's true. Even those who "have it all" might have nothing. Not everyone can be happy. Not everyone has lived a great life and not everyone knows about love. There are plenty of people who experience loneliness to the highest degree. There are people who have no family, or friends, no job, no house, no pet just a sidewalk to call home. There are people who scream for help without saying a word. When we turn down those people, we fail.
Man have I talked about this so many times especially in the wake of Kanye West and all these senseless shootings. I believe that crazy makes someone seem childish. It makes it seem like their pain and struggles, and how they act out or have erratic behavior is egotistic and crazy. We call them all these names, we have opinions, we discredit their creativity and possible success. We take away every accomplishment and replaced it with crazy. We take away the fact that they're human and instead call them crazy. That translates to you don't matter.
From personal experience, battling my demons and doing it alone. I was told that I always had someone there, friends, family etc. So when I went to those who "loved me" I was shunned and called crazy. Even when I post great blogs about previous sadness people comment how they are "always there for me" or "you're never alone" or "I'm here!" My response is and always will be, playing saint on social media means nothing
At my peak of being crazy, I was alone because the only one I had died when we were 12 years-old. I had no one, and on plenty of occasions tried to commit suicide. When I told my sister she said that I'm crazy and that I'm stupid along with some other choice words. She had the nerve to get an attitude with me and not hear out my emotions or state of mind. Another situation of many where I turned to "loved ones" who didn't love me. So from then on, that time in Las Vegas, I vowed to never speak intimate things with her again. I don't regret it, I never will because now I know who is there for me and I can count on them. Do you know how lonely it is to be called crazy? To not have someone take your pain seriously? Then they want to rush to your side when you try to off yourself or cry at the casket when you finally succeed with suicide.
Just because the cover of a book is in color, shinny, has great graphics and amazing font doesn't mean that the pages are glued together. The inside might fall apart once someone cares to open the book and explore it's mind.- Ebony Williams <3
When I first started this blog, I had no idea how many lives I would touch. I had no idea that there are plenty of people out there who are just like me. Who think like me, who suffer like me, who wonder like me, who question like me and who have no idea what life is about...just like me. This blog is a safe place for those who struggle with LIFE and whatever hell it tries to throw at you. This is the judgment free zone because it's LIFE and we are not crazy.
Even the ones who have a great family life, are the life of the party, seem to have it all together according to social media doesn't mean that it's true. Even those who "have it all" might have nothing. Not everyone can be happy. Not everyone has lived a great life and not everyone knows about love. There are plenty of people who experience loneliness to the highest degree. There are people who have no family, or friends, no job, no house, no pet just a sidewalk to call home. There are people who scream for help without saying a word. When we turn down those people, we fail.
If you don't want to take time out of your schedule to listen to those around you when they're screaming silently for help and love. The least you can do is pray for them and help them find help. If listening isn't your strong suit then encourage them to seek counseling because you're unable to help in this situation. Let them know that you love them and are supporting them. Also hang out with them, even if it's for five minutes or shoot a text message or make a quick phone call. The thing about those who we call crazy they just need someone to listen and understand them. They're battling demons no one knows about.
Stop calling someone crazy and instead ask "are you okay?"
Stop calling someone crazy and instead ask "are you okay?"
Friday, November 25, 2016
Dear Men and Dear Women...
Dear Men,
The ones who know how to be men. The ones who know how to treat people with respect. To the ones who are honest, kind, forgiving, faithful, loyal, who still open doors, offer their jackets, pump the gas, and give a nice compliment.I know you may think that what you're doing is going unnoticed, but it is not. I see you, and I appreciate you. If the one you're with or trying to court doesn't appreciate it, then they aren't the one who deserves you. Here's the thing, to all my men out there who encounter the ungrateful, rude, ignorant, vindictive woman just know that she is not the representation of all women.
Dear Women,
The ones who know how to be a lady even when you want to act up and curse someone out. The ones who don't need to be naked to get a mans attention The one who isn't rude or messy instead she is smart,confident, honest, faithful, loyal and not judgmental. To the woman who helps her fellow women succeed, instead of focusing on tearing her down. I see you, and I am very proud of you for acting with grace and dignity; in a world where reality TV is telling us to fight and hate one another. To the queens who encounter bad men, abusive ones of all types, physical, mental and emotional, just know that those men aren't a representation of all men.
Ladies and gents, we are all different and the good ones still exist. The good ones get left behind most of the time. The pure at heart ones always get walked on. The decent human begins experience some of the most ridiculous amounts of pain, and I have no idea why. The good ones, we might seem like our fairy-tale ending is never going to happen. We hold on to things that need to be let go. We might be a little defeated but there is always a way if God created will. Don't give up because you've experienced bad eggs. Don't hold the next one accountable for what the previous has done. Keep your eyes open and your hearts protected.
What I learned is, don't settle. Being in contentment is different from being in love. This was something I needed clarity on and God has shown me the definition from many experiences. Now that I know where I'm at in life, I feel so much better. With that said Ladies and Gents my Queens and Kings you are truly appreciated and don't lose hope.
<3 Ebony
The ones who know how to be men. The ones who know how to treat people with respect. To the ones who are honest, kind, forgiving, faithful, loyal, who still open doors, offer their jackets, pump the gas, and give a nice compliment.I know you may think that what you're doing is going unnoticed, but it is not. I see you, and I appreciate you. If the one you're with or trying to court doesn't appreciate it, then they aren't the one who deserves you. Here's the thing, to all my men out there who encounter the ungrateful, rude, ignorant, vindictive woman just know that she is not the representation of all women.
Dear Women,
The ones who know how to be a lady even when you want to act up and curse someone out. The ones who don't need to be naked to get a mans attention The one who isn't rude or messy instead she is smart,confident, honest, faithful, loyal and not judgmental. To the woman who helps her fellow women succeed, instead of focusing on tearing her down. I see you, and I am very proud of you for acting with grace and dignity; in a world where reality TV is telling us to fight and hate one another. To the queens who encounter bad men, abusive ones of all types, physical, mental and emotional, just know that those men aren't a representation of all men.
Ladies and gents, we are all different and the good ones still exist. The good ones get left behind most of the time. The pure at heart ones always get walked on. The decent human begins experience some of the most ridiculous amounts of pain, and I have no idea why. The good ones, we might seem like our fairy-tale ending is never going to happen. We hold on to things that need to be let go. We might be a little defeated but there is always a way if God created will. Don't give up because you've experienced bad eggs. Don't hold the next one accountable for what the previous has done. Keep your eyes open and your hearts protected.
What I learned is, don't settle. Being in contentment is different from being in love. This was something I needed clarity on and God has shown me the definition from many experiences. Now that I know where I'm at in life, I feel so much better. With that said Ladies and Gents my Queens and Kings you are truly appreciated and don't lose hope.
<3 Ebony
Thursday, November 17, 2016
I Prayed For This
"I prayed for this" that's what my friend Corinna said when she was reflecting on her current journey. Which is what brought me here, which is what caused me to write this blog.
Frustration
Anger
Self-doubt
Irritation
Confusion
Scared
Insecure
Useless
All those things, I feel all those things when I'm on this amazing journey that's my life. Man how do I beat myself up and I know you can relate. I look in the mirror at times and question why I'm here, why I'm doing what I do then it hits me. I have a moment with a friend who was expressing her frustration and she stopped herself to say "I have to remember that I prayed for this,I have to stay grateful."
I immediately sat back in my chair as the music plays in the studio. I miss a talk break because I'm still staring at this line that she sent me. The sounds of Drake's latest song "Fake Love" that I was rocking too are now dimmed and drowned out by the echo of "I prayed for this."
As I looked outside, the snow lightly falls down covering the cars and the parking lot. It's then that I have a flashback of being in the news room at 18 years-old for KTBY-TV Fox News. I was doing a weather story just so anxious to be on the air at a young age about to talk to the public, me, young little baby faced me! I remember smiling in that moment and saying "Thank you God for showing me what you want me to do." I was grateful.
I snapped back to reality questioning why in the hell I wore what I did, I remembered the beginning of my journey, I went back to the VERY FIRST DAY that changed my life. I smiled, let a tear come down my face then I quickly wiped it away. I had to apologize to God and I thought I would share my prayer with you. For at any moment you find yourself a little ungrateful or feeling any of the emotions that I felt above just pray.
Frustration
Anger
Self-doubt
Irritation
Confusion
Scared
Insecure
Useless
All those things, I feel all those things when I'm on this amazing journey that's my life. Man how do I beat myself up and I know you can relate. I look in the mirror at times and question why I'm here, why I'm doing what I do then it hits me. I have a moment with a friend who was expressing her frustration and she stopped herself to say "I have to remember that I prayed for this,I have to stay grateful."
I immediately sat back in my chair as the music plays in the studio. I miss a talk break because I'm still staring at this line that she sent me. The sounds of Drake's latest song "Fake Love" that I was rocking too are now dimmed and drowned out by the echo of "I prayed for this."
As I looked outside, the snow lightly falls down covering the cars and the parking lot. It's then that I have a flashback of being in the news room at 18 years-old for KTBY-TV Fox News. I was doing a weather story just so anxious to be on the air at a young age about to talk to the public, me, young little baby faced me! I remember smiling in that moment and saying "Thank you God for showing me what you want me to do." I was grateful.
I snapped back to reality questioning why in the hell I wore what I did, I remembered the beginning of my journey, I went back to the VERY FIRST DAY that changed my life. I smiled, let a tear come down my face then I quickly wiped it away. I had to apologize to God and I thought I would share my prayer with you. For at any moment you find yourself a little ungrateful or feeling any of the emotions that I felt above just pray.
My God,
I'm so sorry. You've taken the time to wake me up despite my ungrateful attitude.
You've given me another chance to make the most out of my life when others cannot and yet I have the audacity to complain? Where? How? Why? I'm a brat and spoiled because of how amazing you are and for that I failed to see where I am, how I got there and why. It's easy now to realize that the where, how and why are because of you. This is why you place great people in my life, without that talk with Corinna I would still be a jerk right now. Instead I see, and thank you for her and those like her that bless this world. My God I ask for forgiveness and thank you for that flash back. Thank you for the reminder of what I went through and where I was and why I'm here. despite what I feel, you will always have my back. Thank you Lord.
in Jesus name I pray
Amen
<3 Ebony
Wednesday, November 9, 2016
Election & My Thoughts
I went to sleep before they announced who was our new president. I put my phone on vibrate and do not disturb because I already knew the outcome.
Am I surprised that he won? No
Am I upset that he won? No
Am I scared that he won? No
Am I sad that he won? No.
I'm none of those things instead, I expected him to win. When I first saw that the KKK endorsed Donald Trump, I knew he was going to win and here's why. Despite what people think, racism didn't go anywhere; and this election brought out some of the best of them all around the country and on social media.
I'm not even disappointed by the people I know, I never am when it comes to politics. To me, "Make America Great Again" means giving it back to it's native people, the REAL AMERICANS the NATIVE AMERICANS. Anyone else and everyone else is an immigrant.
As a person, what I will NOT do, is treat Donald Trump like how most of the racist jerks that live in this country have treated President Obama. I will not degrade him, talk negative about him or his family, I will not question his birth place, I will not have an opinion on his decisions based on his skin color. I will not make dolls and hang them from a tree, I will not call him out side of his name, I will not be rude, vile and such a disgusting person because I have no idea what it means to love. I WILL NOT be like the majority of this country, because:
I am better than that. Most of us are better than that.
God uses people. I think that he used this election to bring us closer to him; too depend on him and trust in HIM. Because in him "I can do all things in Christ who strengthens me" Philippians 4:13.
<3 Ebony
Am I surprised that he won? No
Am I upset that he won? No
Am I scared that he won? No
Am I sad that he won? No.
I'm none of those things instead, I expected him to win. When I first saw that the KKK endorsed Donald Trump, I knew he was going to win and here's why. Despite what people think, racism didn't go anywhere; and this election brought out some of the best of them all around the country and on social media.
I'm not even disappointed by the people I know, I never am when it comes to politics. To me, "Make America Great Again" means giving it back to it's native people, the REAL AMERICANS the NATIVE AMERICANS. Anyone else and everyone else is an immigrant.
As a person, what I will NOT do, is treat Donald Trump like how most of the racist jerks that live in this country have treated President Obama. I will not degrade him, talk negative about him or his family, I will not question his birth place, I will not have an opinion on his decisions based on his skin color. I will not make dolls and hang them from a tree, I will not call him out side of his name, I will not be rude, vile and such a disgusting person because I have no idea what it means to love. I WILL NOT be like the majority of this country, because:
I am better than that. Most of us are better than that.
God uses people. I think that he used this election to bring us closer to him; too depend on him and trust in HIM. Because in him "I can do all things in Christ who strengthens me" Philippians 4:13.
<3 Ebony
Friday, November 4, 2016
Dear Someone
Dear Someone,
Who likes to hide behind their social media accounts, falsely created for your own protection. To this someone who likes to say mean things to people they do not know, never met and will most likely have a different tune if they were to meet in person. To this someone who has the audacity to attack another human beings character, art, craft and talents. To this someone who chooses a time of day to speak negative when it's a highlight for positiveness . To this someone who has nothing else to do but troll on others who are being positive, trying to live happy and believe that there's good in others out there.
Thank You.
Thank you for being rude, mean, negative a nightmare to be around and or read responses from.
Thank You.
Thank you for still following my path and hating on it every step of the way. Because even though you spew hate, you are still making me relevant. Even though you take time to criticize me you are still talking about me to your friends who will most likely end up liking me. Lastly, even though you are so mean to someone you have never met, I can't help but feel sorry for you.
At first I was bothered and then I quickly remember that people like you have nothing else in life. So if I'm that one for you, to where you channel all your negative energy, then so be it. Just know that it doesn't bother me; which ultimately might bother you more. Oh well, can't help that now can I?
There is obviously something deep down that is hurting you. I believe that you are insecure and don't like others who are on a path to greatness and want to try and shit on it. Because of these things, I feel sad for you. I hope that you can find something or someone meaningful to help give your life purpose. I hope that your crooked heart can be changed and that God can work wonders so that you're darkness can see some light.
But like my friend Corinna says "You can go dwell in the dark and make mushrooms with your shitty ass."
<3 Ebony
Who likes to hide behind their social media accounts, falsely created for your own protection. To this someone who likes to say mean things to people they do not know, never met and will most likely have a different tune if they were to meet in person. To this someone who has the audacity to attack another human beings character, art, craft and talents. To this someone who chooses a time of day to speak negative when it's a highlight for positiveness . To this someone who has nothing else to do but troll on others who are being positive, trying to live happy and believe that there's good in others out there.
Thank You.
Thank you for being rude, mean, negative a nightmare to be around and or read responses from.
Thank You.
Thank you for still following my path and hating on it every step of the way. Because even though you spew hate, you are still making me relevant. Even though you take time to criticize me you are still talking about me to your friends who will most likely end up liking me. Lastly, even though you are so mean to someone you have never met, I can't help but feel sorry for you.
At first I was bothered and then I quickly remember that people like you have nothing else in life. So if I'm that one for you, to where you channel all your negative energy, then so be it. Just know that it doesn't bother me; which ultimately might bother you more. Oh well, can't help that now can I?
There is obviously something deep down that is hurting you. I believe that you are insecure and don't like others who are on a path to greatness and want to try and shit on it. Because of these things, I feel sad for you. I hope that you can find something or someone meaningful to help give your life purpose. I hope that your crooked heart can be changed and that God can work wonders so that you're darkness can see some light.
But like my friend Corinna says "You can go dwell in the dark and make mushrooms with your shitty ass."
<3 Ebony
Thursday, October 27, 2016
I'm more than...
I'm more than my body, the color of my skin and the way my hair blows in the wind.
I'm more than the makeup on my face, and the face wash I use to restore Gods grace.
I'm more than the European beauty the world wants to subject me too.
I'm more than the weaves, acrylics, and gel nails that society tells me I need.
I'm more than the selfies, clothes and shoes on my feet.
I'm more than the object that you perceive me to be.
I am Ebony, a woman whose middle name is Sade, like the jazz singer who oozes sex appeal, confidence and beauty while staying fully clothed swaying on stage
I am Ebony, a proud woman of color who embraces her ethnicity. According to my ancestry,I'm a woman of African, East Indian, Polynesian,Surinamese and British decent
I am a woman who proudly wears her almond skin. Evenly matched by Bare Mineral foundation, lightly padded on my face because I love my scars and freckles that fill my cheeks.
Black men told me, I'm cute for a black girl, and they would actually date me.
Black men told me, if I wasn't so ambitious I would be taken
Black men told me, if I wasn't so ambitious I would be taken
Black men told me, if I was more accepting of open relationships they would love to have me
I know there has to be a better representation of my black men, I just have yet to encounter them
I know there has to be a better representation of my black men, I just have yet to encounter them
After-all, I think they're confused, I'm single not lonely those are two separate things
Despite that.
I am Ebony, a woman who has battle scars and room for new ones God has for me.
I am Ebony, a woman who knows her worth and gets what she deserves
I am Ebony, a woman who knows her worth and gets what she deserves
I am Ebony, a woman who is
Beautiful
Confident
Loved
and worthy
To my queens who struggle to know their worth let me tell you this you ARE:
Beautiful
Strong
Worthy
Loved
No matter what color your skin is, no matter what people say, no matter who passes you, talks about you and so on.
All of my queens should know and feel that the world is ours and give a giant middle finger to anyone who tries to tell you otherwise.
Thursday, October 20, 2016
BOOK #4 COVER IS HERE!!
OKAY! This is so awesome! I finally got my new cover thanks to Sogni Di Marzapane check out Songni's portfolio here : http://sognidimarzapane.blogspot.com/
AVAILABLE 2017
When their home land of Mantic was ruined by a deadly fire, sixteen-year-old Libby and her family, a group of shape shifting creatures, are desperate to escape the supernatural hunters who roam the deadly forest they call home. They seek safety in Alaska, where the arctic temperatures should suppress their powers, allowing them to remain undetected.
Libby quickly falls for a boy named Aaron, who’s one of the last remaining supernatural hunters of his generation. When Libby starts to fall in love with Aaron, her powers grow rapidly out of control. She tries to suppress her powers but one night an accident results in the death of Aaron's grandmother.
Her family tries to cover up her deadly mistake, but it isn't long before Libby is being hunted, but this time by the boy she loves. In a ballet that will end either the shape-shifter or the hunter creed, Libby has to make a lethal decision as she's torn between her family and the love of her life.
AVAILABLE 2017
ABOUT THE BOOK:
When their home land of Mantic was ruined by a deadly fire, sixteen-year-old Libby and her family, a group of shape shifting creatures, are desperate to escape the supernatural hunters who roam the deadly forest they call home. They seek safety in Alaska, where the arctic temperatures should suppress their powers, allowing them to remain undetected.
Libby quickly falls for a boy named Aaron, who’s one of the last remaining supernatural hunters of his generation. When Libby starts to fall in love with Aaron, her powers grow rapidly out of control. She tries to suppress her powers but one night an accident results in the death of Aaron's grandmother.
Her family tries to cover up her deadly mistake, but it isn't long before Libby is being hunted, but this time by the boy she loves. In a ballet that will end either the shape-shifter or the hunter creed, Libby has to make a lethal decision as she's torn between her family and the love of her life.
Phantom Fat?
On most days I look in the mirror and I still hate what I see. I start picking at parts of me that I wish I could change, that I so deeply want to change. I start pulling at my stomach, my legs, my rear-end, my face everything that has skin I pick at it. I hear that I look "great" I head how proud people are of me for getting back on track and where I used to be with my weight. I hear that stuff but that's not what I see. Instead, I still see that girl who almost weighed 200 lbs and no one would've guessed it because I never wear clothes that fit my body. I see that girl who is scared, I see that girl who's battling something only her and God know about. I don't see that girl that I am now. I don't see that I lost over 40lbs, I don't see her instead I see all the pain and weight that I used to carry. Why is that?
It wasn't until I watched an episode of my favorite show The Real when Jeannie Mai talked about "Phantom fat" which is when a person loses so much weight but they don't see the accomplishment of that instead they still see the "fat" person they once were. Now, "Fat" I hate that term, by the way, can be seen from many different angles depending on the person. For someone who is under 5'5" might gain 5 lbs that would look way different than someone like me who is 5'8" gaining 5 lbs. To me that won't makes me feel like I'm fat per-say but to someone shorter, it holds a different mold.
Anyways back on topic. I realized that I suffer from this and it's slowly hurting me. I still see that person that I allowed myself to be because of abusive situations. If you don't recall my journey and truth beyond the weight read THIS BLOG HERE . I see food and I calculate everything in my mind on what not to eat, when not to eat, how much I can eat. I look at the gym and treadmill and push harder because I ate a cookie and I can't have that come back to me. I try to run outside in this high altitude and FAIL miserably because I can't run outside in Denver yet. When I run a mile outside it takes me almost 11 minutes, versus my normal 8-minute mile and that hits me so hard for some reason. I feel like taking that long to run a mile for me is unacceptable, so there I take that hard and think "If I can't run this I will for sure be that girl again!"
Then I get emotional.
Then I cry.
I'm writing this because it's normal and so many of us struggle with this. So many people who have gotten to a bad point in life, who have gained weight and had the courage to pull themselves out don't see the strength that they have. We don't see that at times, we are harder on ourselves as compared to anyone else. We NEED to stop this way of thinking. WE need to change our mindset and work on loving our new selves. It's hard because I've been struggling with that for the longest but I know in time and with Gods love for me that I will get there.
Phantom Fat....I wish there was a quick solution. If you struggle with this, like me, we can take these steps together. For me I now
1. accept compliments and don't say "really?" instead I say "thank you!"
2. I look in the mirror less
3. I don't stand on the scale, I pay attention to inches lost
4. I don't punish myself for eating a cupcake
5. I try not to think of myself as a failure
Another thing, I don't look for confirmation from others. I don't seek comments or compliments, I know that what others think of me means nothing because at the end of the day what maters is what I think of myself. It'll take time for me to get through this stage in my life. BUT I'm 100% okay with it, I love these journeys I love figuring out myself, I love learning and moving forward.
It wasn't until I watched an episode of my favorite show The Real when Jeannie Mai talked about "Phantom fat" which is when a person loses so much weight but they don't see the accomplishment of that instead they still see the "fat" person they once were. Now, "Fat" I hate that term, by the way, can be seen from many different angles depending on the person. For someone who is under 5'5" might gain 5 lbs that would look way different than someone like me who is 5'8" gaining 5 lbs. To me that won't makes me feel like I'm fat per-say but to someone shorter, it holds a different mold.
Anyways back on topic. I realized that I suffer from this and it's slowly hurting me. I still see that person that I allowed myself to be because of abusive situations. If you don't recall my journey and truth beyond the weight read THIS BLOG HERE . I see food and I calculate everything in my mind on what not to eat, when not to eat, how much I can eat. I look at the gym and treadmill and push harder because I ate a cookie and I can't have that come back to me. I try to run outside in this high altitude and FAIL miserably because I can't run outside in Denver yet. When I run a mile outside it takes me almost 11 minutes, versus my normal 8-minute mile and that hits me so hard for some reason. I feel like taking that long to run a mile for me is unacceptable, so there I take that hard and think "If I can't run this I will for sure be that girl again!"
Then I get emotional.
Then I cry.
I'm writing this because it's normal and so many of us struggle with this. So many people who have gotten to a bad point in life, who have gained weight and had the courage to pull themselves out don't see the strength that they have. We don't see that at times, we are harder on ourselves as compared to anyone else. We NEED to stop this way of thinking. WE need to change our mindset and work on loving our new selves. It's hard because I've been struggling with that for the longest but I know in time and with Gods love for me that I will get there.
Phantom Fat....I wish there was a quick solution. If you struggle with this, like me, we can take these steps together. For me I now
1. accept compliments and don't say "really?" instead I say "thank you!"
2. I look in the mirror less
3. I don't stand on the scale, I pay attention to inches lost
4. I don't punish myself for eating a cupcake
5. I try not to think of myself as a failure
Another thing, I don't look for confirmation from others. I don't seek comments or compliments, I know that what others think of me means nothing because at the end of the day what maters is what I think of myself. It'll take time for me to get through this stage in my life. BUT I'm 100% okay with it, I love these journeys I love figuring out myself, I love learning and moving forward.
Tuesday, October 11, 2016
Block
I hate when I'm in this position
A position that I cannot move from
I can see myself moving, I think that's called an out of body experience
But yet, I sit still, my hands don't move and neither does my pen
I have so much to say
So much to talk about
I have a way to vent
I have a way to vent
But yet, I cannot let it out
Why? I don't know
I think I'm stuck in another dimension
I think I'm stuck in another dimension
One that creatives hate it's called "Writers Block"
Then I think of the phrase by Charles Bukowski
"writing about writers bock is better than not writing at all"
"writing about writers bock is better than not writing at all"
I guess that's what this poem is about
I have writers block
I have a synopsis
I have a table of contents
But yet, I cannot fill in the spaces
I guess the block is needed
I have a table of contents
But yet, I cannot fill in the spaces
I guess the block is needed
God does do everything for a reason
So instead of stressing about my novel tragedies
I will use this time to reflect on
Me...
-Ebony
Tuesday, October 4, 2016
Similarities
Why hello!
Life, I love it this pesky little thing that God created for us. We're supposed to enjoy it, however, most of us spend most of the time worrying about situations we cannot change. We allow people in our lives who don't need to be there. We make countless excuses for others because our hearts are big. What sucks is that for some, they get tired of being taken advantage of so they turn into a heartless cold person. I don't ever want to be that, I don't ever want that to happen to me. I pray that I continue to have a great heart and see the good in people while being smart about who to let in my life on a personal level and who to keep at a distance.
For me, I found myself repeating situations with people. I found myself stuck in a position that was familiar, and why? I thought I was over that part in my life. I thought I was done dealing with people who acted in that way. For some reason, I allowed it to seep its way through to my happiness. Now I find myself miserable, unhappy and questioning myself again. This time, instead of allowing that to happen for a long period of time, I decided to make sure that it stopped. It sucks because I want to give people the benefit of the doubt but no, this time, I'm putting myself first.
I'm not vengeful, I'm not mean instead I'm now looking out for me. God put me through situations for me to learn and grow. How can I grow if I allow myself to make the same mistakes? To fall for the same games? To open the door to the same type of people who mean no good? There comes a point in life when you know what's good for you, who's good for you; don't play yourself. Listen to that voice that's telling you what and who is good and drop everything else that isn't. Happy growing in this amazing thing we call life my friend!
<3 Ebony
Life, I love it this pesky little thing that God created for us. We're supposed to enjoy it, however, most of us spend most of the time worrying about situations we cannot change. We allow people in our lives who don't need to be there. We make countless excuses for others because our hearts are big. What sucks is that for some, they get tired of being taken advantage of so they turn into a heartless cold person. I don't ever want to be that, I don't ever want that to happen to me. I pray that I continue to have a great heart and see the good in people while being smart about who to let in my life on a personal level and who to keep at a distance.
For me, I found myself repeating situations with people. I found myself stuck in a position that was familiar, and why? I thought I was over that part in my life. I thought I was done dealing with people who acted in that way. For some reason, I allowed it to seep its way through to my happiness. Now I find myself miserable, unhappy and questioning myself again. This time, instead of allowing that to happen for a long period of time, I decided to make sure that it stopped. It sucks because I want to give people the benefit of the doubt but no, this time, I'm putting myself first.
I'm not vengeful, I'm not mean instead I'm now looking out for me. God put me through situations for me to learn and grow. How can I grow if I allow myself to make the same mistakes? To fall for the same games? To open the door to the same type of people who mean no good? There comes a point in life when you know what's good for you, who's good for you; don't play yourself. Listen to that voice that's telling you what and who is good and drop everything else that isn't. Happy growing in this amazing thing we call life my friend!
<3 Ebony
Friday, September 30, 2016
Quiet Minds?
It's simple..
or at least I think it is, to have a quite mind
one that has no thoughts
has no dreams
instead just sits...
sits like those who complain about the world and offer no action
sits like the generation who feels as if they are entitled to the world
sits as in a dog that does what it's told
but instead it's harder than that
it doesn't sit
it doesn't stay quiet... it moves
quickly
fastly
in a way that I can't shut it down
in a way that my thoughts..those damn words cause me to drown
in them
and about them
with them
for them
all because of them
those damn words
they fill my mind when I sit
when I stand
when I sleep
when I work
when I drive
when I'm out
and when I'm at home
It's nice having a mind that doesn't rest at times
I'm able to write novels... but what about sleep?
what about sanity?
those things are a rarity
it's a blessing and yet a curse
but a card that I've been dealt by God
because he knows I can handle it
Sleep one day will come
until then I'll let the words fill my mind
pour out of my heart
and fill the pages of novels
while I sit
and I write
-Ebony
or at least I think it is, to have a quite mind
one that has no thoughts
has no dreams
instead just sits...
sits like those who complain about the world and offer no action
sits like the generation who feels as if they are entitled to the world
sits as in a dog that does what it's told
but instead it's harder than that
it doesn't sit
it doesn't stay quiet... it moves
quickly
fastly
in a way that I can't shut it down
in a way that my thoughts..those damn words cause me to drown
in them
and about them
with them
for them
all because of them
those damn words
they fill my mind when I sit
when I stand
when I sleep
when I work
when I drive
when I'm out
and when I'm at home
It's nice having a mind that doesn't rest at times
I'm able to write novels... but what about sleep?
what about sanity?
those things are a rarity
it's a blessing and yet a curse
but a card that I've been dealt by God
because he knows I can handle it
Sleep one day will come
until then I'll let the words fill my mind
pour out of my heart
and fill the pages of novels
while I sit
and I write
-Ebony
Tuesday, September 20, 2016
Fake Complaint Scams on Voicemail
1. They leave a voicemail, either recorded or a live person
2. They claim to be an officer, lawyer or a representative of a company
3. They claim there's a claim against you
4. They want you to call them back ASAP, they give you a number to call
5. When and IF you call, they require you to pay a fee in order for the claim to be removed
IF you get these phone calls and or voicemail DO NOT pay these people. Odds are, they are scammers. Instead give the information to local law enforcement, because if you didn't know, impersonating an officer or any official is illegal. Also if you do call back, you can say you're with local law officers and will hand over the phone, or that you're with your lawyer and will hand over the phone.
I claimed to be in my lawyers office and the man hung up on me and refused to answer my phone calls again. BE AWARE of these scammers!
1. Don't freak out
2. Don't call them back
3. Contact your local police department and send them the information
4. Get a lawyer and let them know this information
5. Take matters into your own hands and challenge them
ONE THING that might make you think these scams are real, is that these people do research on any public profile. They might know that you have kids and their ages, they might have your address, social media handles and so on. ANYTHING that is on the internet and public information they will use to make you think this is real.
My advice is listed above, ultimately listen to your gut!
Monday, September 12, 2016
Big Dreams- Tayy Tarantino
 |
| Album Cover Courtesy of Tayy Tarantino |
Opening my email and looking at the cover of Tayy Tarantino's Homecoming, it took awhile for me to click the audio tracks. I was immediately struck with a remembrance of home aka Anchorage, Alaska. The realness of the cover, the rawness of creativity made me wonder what treasures were on the inside. What was I about to hear in the tracks to come? Would it make me cry? Would it make me question the current state of home? Would it make me want to close my eyes and relax? Would it make me pick up the phone to tell those that I still had back in Alaska that I miss them?
Truth is...
Listening to the music made me want to do all those things and more. Without giving too much away from the musical genius that is Tayy Tarantino, you have to be ready to be taken on a lyrical roller-coaster. One that has loops of emotions that take you up to its peak and then plummet you down into sanity. Listening to the album brought memories of other hip-hop heads in the game those of Stalley, Future, J. Cole and Kendrick to name a few. I understand those are pretty big names, but don't let the size of Tarantino fool you, he can buck with the best of them in this creative poetry set to demanding beats that take you to another place, another world, a realistic dimension that we all face or will face at some point in our lives
 |
| Photo Courtesy of Tayy Tarantino's Facebook : Tayy Tarantino opening for Wu-Tang |
Being from Alaska it's hard to have a big dream, it's harder to chase it and have support. Being in entertainment tops the cake for difficulty. Only a few people from Alaska have made their dreams a reality like Carlos Boozer, Mario Chalmers, James Morrison and even the singer Jewel from Homer, Alaska. It takes leaving what you're used to and being thrust into another world for Tarantino that world was California and Washington D.C. If you ask me, he's doing a great job between his regular 9-5 gig, to being a father to being dedicated to the studio, participating in SXSW in Texas and much more. Because of his tenacity, I have no doubt that he'll be added to this list of amazing people....soon.
He, like the others who made their dreams come true, has determination in his eyes. He's opened for Wu-Tang, Twista, performed at the Alaska State Fair just to name a few impressive knock outs on his resume. I've personally been around him at SXSW and to hear him speak on his projects, what they mean to him, how his words fit his actions is refreshing. Most artists want it the easy way, "hey you know me so here's my stuff" But Tarantino, he's a different breed. One of respect, hard work, dignity, emotion, determination and the list goes on. What I love about him is that he takes no short cuts and will take his time to make sure his craft matches who he is as a man on and off the mic.
When you listen to Homecoming you have no choice but to enter his world. You enter the mind of a man who's been through a lot, who shares his experiences in a way that only he can. He immediately grabs your ears with his intro and holds it tight throughout the entire album until the outro. He makes you feel like you're going home too.
With his latest single Black America taking storm over YouTube, Homecoming by Tayy Tarantino couldn't come at a better time; is available tomorrow September 13, 2016.
Friday, August 26, 2016
UPDATE
Hey loves, I wanted to give you an update!
A few days ago my father and I packed up my car and drove from Dallas, Texas to Denver, Colorado! I was a little nervous making a long car ride AGAIN (back in July we drove from Orlando, FL to Virginia!) However, this time, I actually had a good time!
I prayed over my journey as I do every time when I get in the car and God was in my favor. Every car driver drove like they had common sense! The left lane was used ONLY for the fast drivers like me, and if someone wasn't going fast enough THEY ACTUALLY GOT OVER! The highways were so beautiful! We managed to hit the highways that were brand new or damn near close to it. There were no cracks, holes or dead animals it was a smooth ride the entire way! My car also gets great mileage because I only had to fill her up maybe three times (the third time it was just a top off).
RANDOM, there was this Chevron station (don't remember where) that had the nicest bathrooms ever. The counter tops were granite, the walls were cobble stone, it smelled amazing and was clean. I thought I was in a restaurant at one point.
Nonetheless, we made it to Denver in about ten hours instead of twelve because the ride was so smooth and in my favor glory be to God for that. I'm now in Denver and have checked out an apartment complex I really want to stay at.
I introduced my dad to my radio family, for once I feel at home. Everyone there is friendly and supportive and were excited that I accepted the offer. This time meeting them AGAIN, it solidified that I was supposed to be there. There's no bitterness or insecurities among the other talents or reps. They're truly one big family who are ready to adopt me and take me in! Because of that reason alone, I accepted the job.
I'm already driving around parts of the city like I've been here forever. I'm excited for this new journey, for this chapter in my life and to see where I end up because of Denver. I truly feel that God puts you where you need to be even if you might not understand why. For me that place was College Station, Texas, I couldn't understand why he wanted me to take that gig, but I'm so grateful that I did.
I'll keep you updated of course! Now, I have to relax a little more before hitting the gym at the hotel.
<3 Ebony
A few days ago my father and I packed up my car and drove from Dallas, Texas to Denver, Colorado! I was a little nervous making a long car ride AGAIN (back in July we drove from Orlando, FL to Virginia!) However, this time, I actually had a good time!
I prayed over my journey as I do every time when I get in the car and God was in my favor. Every car driver drove like they had common sense! The left lane was used ONLY for the fast drivers like me, and if someone wasn't going fast enough THEY ACTUALLY GOT OVER! The highways were so beautiful! We managed to hit the highways that were brand new or damn near close to it. There were no cracks, holes or dead animals it was a smooth ride the entire way! My car also gets great mileage because I only had to fill her up maybe three times (the third time it was just a top off).
RANDOM, there was this Chevron station (don't remember where) that had the nicest bathrooms ever. The counter tops were granite, the walls were cobble stone, it smelled amazing and was clean. I thought I was in a restaurant at one point.
Nonetheless, we made it to Denver in about ten hours instead of twelve because the ride was so smooth and in my favor glory be to God for that. I'm now in Denver and have checked out an apartment complex I really want to stay at.
I introduced my dad to my radio family, for once I feel at home. Everyone there is friendly and supportive and were excited that I accepted the offer. This time meeting them AGAIN, it solidified that I was supposed to be there. There's no bitterness or insecurities among the other talents or reps. They're truly one big family who are ready to adopt me and take me in! Because of that reason alone, I accepted the job.
I'm already driving around parts of the city like I've been here forever. I'm excited for this new journey, for this chapter in my life and to see where I end up because of Denver. I truly feel that God puts you where you need to be even if you might not understand why. For me that place was College Station, Texas, I couldn't understand why he wanted me to take that gig, but I'm so grateful that I did.
I'll keep you updated of course! Now, I have to relax a little more before hitting the gym at the hotel.
<3 Ebony
Monday, August 22, 2016
Goodbye TEXAS and Hello Denver, Colorado!
I'm excited, a little sad and anxious all at the same time! There are a few more emotions I could throw in, but I'll keep it to a minimum. Texas has been great for me! I got my ENTIRE life together in the time being...well maybe not ENTIRE but a good amount.
What I learned:
I'm worthy and that life will not only throw you lemons, but it'll also throw you the tree it came on so you better grab an ax and get ready to have a summer supply of lemonade. I'm more than my appearance because weight isn't a bad thing, it's not about how much you have but how happy you are to have it. Also, depression creeps in at the most inconvenient times, however, how I chose to face it is up to me. Lastly, I'm not alone Gods got me ALWAYS
What I'll miss:
The constant heat, rain storms that are perfect to watch while on the porch because it's hot as heck outside. I'll miss the few friends that I made here, these friendships are different, they are life timers. OH and I can't forget highway 6, the best thing ever since it gets me to where ever I want to go. and of course I'll miss TEXAS A &M! I never had a college team that I was crazy about, and now I'm a lifetime Aggie fan.
What I wont miss:
Humidity.
Best things I've done that I never thought I'd do:
1. Have a complete mental breakdown that lead to me being so volunerable that the only person to talk to was God. I realize that's why he wanted me here all along, so I can focus on him.
2.Talk openly about God to people I don't know
3. Try Frog Legs and like it
4.Try craw-fish and like it
5.Take a road trip to NOLA
6. Interracially date! I actually dated other races while here! It was interesting
7.Wear tight dresses (those who know me know I hate dresses)
8. Learn how to do make up in a professional way
9. Take myself on a date.. I have to say I'm a great date!
10. Finish writing two novels in one year
What Texas has done for me:
1.If it wasn't for Texas I would've never finished a dream of mine, and that was to get my college education. My best accomplishment was walking across that stage and receiving my Bachelors in Journalism and Mass Communications.
2. When it comes to accomplishments, is finding Celebrate Recovery. Without that program, I would still be lost in my faith. Because of that program I found God all over again, the change in me, my heart and the power of forgiveness is all due to the reintroduction to Jesus.
3. It helped me get stronger spiritually, emotionally, physically and mentally! I beat my best squat load yesterday (August 23rd) I squatted 120lbs! That same day I deadliftted 150lbs! As far as the emotional part, my skin grew thicker by a couple inches, being in the south isn't the easiest thing especially with the highlight of racism in this decade at the moment. Mentally, I have to credit that to the physical, emotional and also spiritual growth.
4. My faith in the church was restored after my friend Jade invited me to her church, Connecting Point. Pastor Scott Willmore, teaches in the most REALISTIC UNAPOLOGETIC manner I've ever heard. I'm beyond grateful to have been fed the word from this man, he too has helped me see things, listen more and understand in ways other pastors couldn't.
5. Texas reassured me that hope is a great thing to have.
What I learned:
I'm worthy and that life will not only throw you lemons, but it'll also throw you the tree it came on so you better grab an ax and get ready to have a summer supply of lemonade. I'm more than my appearance because weight isn't a bad thing, it's not about how much you have but how happy you are to have it. Also, depression creeps in at the most inconvenient times, however, how I chose to face it is up to me. Lastly, I'm not alone Gods got me ALWAYS
What I'll miss:
The constant heat, rain storms that are perfect to watch while on the porch because it's hot as heck outside. I'll miss the few friends that I made here, these friendships are different, they are life timers. OH and I can't forget highway 6, the best thing ever since it gets me to where ever I want to go. and of course I'll miss TEXAS A &M! I never had a college team that I was crazy about, and now I'm a lifetime Aggie fan.
What I wont miss:
Humidity.
Best things I've done that I never thought I'd do:
1. Have a complete mental breakdown that lead to me being so volunerable that the only person to talk to was God. I realize that's why he wanted me here all along, so I can focus on him.
2.Talk openly about God to people I don't know
3. Try Frog Legs and like it
4.Try craw-fish and like it
5.Take a road trip to NOLA
6. Interracially date! I actually dated other races while here! It was interesting
7.Wear tight dresses (those who know me know I hate dresses)
8. Learn how to do make up in a professional way
9. Take myself on a date.. I have to say I'm a great date!
10. Finish writing two novels in one year
What Texas has done for me:
1.If it wasn't for Texas I would've never finished a dream of mine, and that was to get my college education. My best accomplishment was walking across that stage and receiving my Bachelors in Journalism and Mass Communications.
2. When it comes to accomplishments, is finding Celebrate Recovery. Without that program, I would still be lost in my faith. Because of that program I found God all over again, the change in me, my heart and the power of forgiveness is all due to the reintroduction to Jesus.
3. It helped me get stronger spiritually, emotionally, physically and mentally! I beat my best squat load yesterday (August 23rd) I squatted 120lbs! That same day I deadliftted 150lbs! As far as the emotional part, my skin grew thicker by a couple inches, being in the south isn't the easiest thing especially with the highlight of racism in this decade at the moment. Mentally, I have to credit that to the physical, emotional and also spiritual growth.
4. My faith in the church was restored after my friend Jade invited me to her church, Connecting Point. Pastor Scott Willmore, teaches in the most REALISTIC UNAPOLOGETIC manner I've ever heard. I'm beyond grateful to have been fed the word from this man, he too has helped me see things, listen more and understand in ways other pastors couldn't.
5. Texas reassured me that hope is a great thing to have.
Wednesday, August 10, 2016
MY RESPONSE TO : Why Only Married Men Want to Date Me
I came across this article on Huffington Post written by Brenda Mejia titled: Why Only Married Men Want to Date Me. The original version before she edited it shared how she dated more than one married man now this new revised article shares how she's trying to band women together. Notice when you scroll down to read the comments how the women are angry and mention parts of the article that are no longer available, they aren't crazy readers, they are expressing feelings based off of what was originally written before it was redone. I for one, wrote this response to the ORIGINAL article.
Took me a while to read this because it's horribly written, and all I could think about was where's the editor?
On another note, anyone willing to date a married person, man or woman; is someone that needs help. You aren't the only one in the world that's been cheated on, welcome to the club that might hold every person in the universe. To also say it's hard to date because you're a bigger woman, is a diss to all the other fuller women who date perfectly fine. It's not about your size, if someone isn't attracted to you then they aren't the one for you. Here's what bothers me, to be a person who seems to be happy to share that she dates married men is disturbing.
Like you Brenda, to speak from personal experience, I've been approached by plenty of men on social media and in person who are single and married. The beautiful thing about social media is that it connects us to many people across the globe. It's never crossed my mind to go out with someone on twitter just because they've asked, this lets me know that being asked out doesn't happen often for you. Once you found out that this man was married, you continued to date him and try your hand at other women's men, this time knowing their marital status. Then to mention that you don't feel bad about it because you aren't the only one that acted on it? The lack of compassion and sympathy that you mildly express for other people is truly sad. I wonder, has it ever crossed your mind that married men don't want to "date" you instead they want to sleep with you? Also, none of those men left their wives for you, so I imagine that stung a little right?
This world is tough, and because of social media and the access that it does give us is a blessing and a curse. How you handle being accessed is a different story. You can never be filled by being with a married person because they are not vowed to you, that marriage was not blessed for you, that unity didn't have you in it at the alter and should've never gotten to the point where you were allowed in it. The first one I understand you knew nothing about it, okay that's fine; but for the ones after that to know it and still go for it is not fine. You aren't a peacemaker, you aren't some type of angel that fell from the heavens to help women realize their men aren't perfect, instead you're someone who wants love and needs it so she seeks it from anyone. But Brenda, in order to get that love, have that interest and hopefully find someone to marry you...... first starts with YOU.
Building yourself up to be the best person you can be for yourself will attract the right person. When you're broken and so wounded it brings the pigs and assholes towards you at a rapid pace. I have no idea why it's like scum bags can smell defeat and insecurities a mile away and they prey on people who are satisfied with anything; much like what you're accomplishing by dealing with married men. Fix your heart then maybe someone who's deserving will cherish it properly when the time comes.
I truly hope you find your self-worth, build your self-confidence and believe in yourself soon. Dating married people only causes harm to those involved in more ways than one if you're religious read up on that in the Bible; I'll help you out with some chapters read up in 1 Corinthians and Hebrew chapter 13, and if you're not religious just think of morals and self-respect. I also found it comical that you had the audacity to give advice. Ladies, please don't read this article written by a woman who cannot keep a man or find her own. She's like that single friend who will ruin your relationship so you can be just as miserable as her.
Took me a while to read this because it's horribly written, and all I could think about was where's the editor?
On another note, anyone willing to date a married person, man or woman; is someone that needs help. You aren't the only one in the world that's been cheated on, welcome to the club that might hold every person in the universe. To also say it's hard to date because you're a bigger woman, is a diss to all the other fuller women who date perfectly fine. It's not about your size, if someone isn't attracted to you then they aren't the one for you. Here's what bothers me, to be a person who seems to be happy to share that she dates married men is disturbing.
Like you Brenda, to speak from personal experience, I've been approached by plenty of men on social media and in person who are single and married. The beautiful thing about social media is that it connects us to many people across the globe. It's never crossed my mind to go out with someone on twitter just because they've asked, this lets me know that being asked out doesn't happen often for you. Once you found out that this man was married, you continued to date him and try your hand at other women's men, this time knowing their marital status. Then to mention that you don't feel bad about it because you aren't the only one that acted on it? The lack of compassion and sympathy that you mildly express for other people is truly sad. I wonder, has it ever crossed your mind that married men don't want to "date" you instead they want to sleep with you? Also, none of those men left their wives for you, so I imagine that stung a little right?
This world is tough, and because of social media and the access that it does give us is a blessing and a curse. How you handle being accessed is a different story. You can never be filled by being with a married person because they are not vowed to you, that marriage was not blessed for you, that unity didn't have you in it at the alter and should've never gotten to the point where you were allowed in it. The first one I understand you knew nothing about it, okay that's fine; but for the ones after that to know it and still go for it is not fine. You aren't a peacemaker, you aren't some type of angel that fell from the heavens to help women realize their men aren't perfect, instead you're someone who wants love and needs it so she seeks it from anyone. But Brenda, in order to get that love, have that interest and hopefully find someone to marry you...... first starts with YOU.
Building yourself up to be the best person you can be for yourself will attract the right person. When you're broken and so wounded it brings the pigs and assholes towards you at a rapid pace. I have no idea why it's like scum bags can smell defeat and insecurities a mile away and they prey on people who are satisfied with anything; much like what you're accomplishing by dealing with married men. Fix your heart then maybe someone who's deserving will cherish it properly when the time comes.
I truly hope you find your self-worth, build your self-confidence and believe in yourself soon. Dating married people only causes harm to those involved in more ways than one if you're religious read up on that in the Bible; I'll help you out with some chapters read up in 1 Corinthians and Hebrew chapter 13, and if you're not religious just think of morals and self-respect. I also found it comical that you had the audacity to give advice. Ladies, please don't read this article written by a woman who cannot keep a man or find her own. She's like that single friend who will ruin your relationship so you can be just as miserable as her.
Friday, August 5, 2016
Jake Dexter Blessed the Studio
So EXCITED! I had the pleasure of chit chatting with Jake Dexter, an amazing pop/ hip-hop band from Texas! They're doing a live show for first Friday at the Palace in Bryan, Texas today August 5th. Playing "Mr.Postman" from their latest album titled "Clockwork" they also played LIVE, a song off their new album called "Apocalypse"
Check them out :)
Monday, August 1, 2016
Today TRIED IT!
From the moment I woke up I was in a GREAT mood! THEN the day progressed, it happened quick, like just got out of bed haven't fully used the bathroom type of quick before the devil was hard at work.
I'm going through a great transitional phase in my life, I recently received plenty job offers for MAJOR markets for radio and I'm glad to say I decided on one :) (details to come). Because of all the greatness, and because I give all the glory to God for it, the devil isn't to happy. Mind you, I don't care about what the devil has to say or think; he has no place in my life, in my kingdom of God; he needs to have SEVERAL seats. Any-who, for some reason every little thing was making me mad! For some, I could justify the irritation but for others I was just being a jerk, it wasn't that big of a deal.
I was spiraling this morning, just emotional, dramatic and OVER THE top; worse than reality show over the top. If I had to rate it I would say I was acting like an episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians mixed with a Love and Hip Hop reunion episode. Lately I've been really good at expressing myself to those I trust and asking for advice. My amazing man, reminded me of something so precious today, and that's that I'm not alone.
I wanted to be negative, I wanted to worry, I wanted to question my God, but for WHAT? No Idea. The reassurance of "I'm not alone", those simple words opened my heart and eased my mind again. I got chills because I felt God speak through him, and I felt him telling me in such a loving way that I believed him.
Matthew 6:25 is always in my brain now, it's about not worrying about tomorrow, clothes food and so much more. Here, think it'll be better if I just look it up for you:
I'm going through a great transitional phase in my life, I recently received plenty job offers for MAJOR markets for radio and I'm glad to say I decided on one :) (details to come). Because of all the greatness, and because I give all the glory to God for it, the devil isn't to happy. Mind you, I don't care about what the devil has to say or think; he has no place in my life, in my kingdom of God; he needs to have SEVERAL seats. Any-who, for some reason every little thing was making me mad! For some, I could justify the irritation but for others I was just being a jerk, it wasn't that big of a deal.
I was spiraling this morning, just emotional, dramatic and OVER THE top; worse than reality show over the top. If I had to rate it I would say I was acting like an episode of Keeping Up With The Kardashians mixed with a Love and Hip Hop reunion episode. Lately I've been really good at expressing myself to those I trust and asking for advice. My amazing man, reminded me of something so precious today, and that's that I'm not alone.
I wanted to be negative, I wanted to worry, I wanted to question my God, but for WHAT? No Idea. The reassurance of "I'm not alone", those simple words opened my heart and eased my mind again. I got chills because I felt God speak through him, and I felt him telling me in such a loving way that I believed him.
Matthew 6:25 is always in my brain now, it's about not worrying about tomorrow, clothes food and so much more. Here, think it'll be better if I just look it up for you:
Matthew 6:25 : Therefore I tell you do not worry ab out your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?
Long story short on this random blog/rant/expression deal thing, no matter your position in life, days, people the devil will always try you. It isn't about how many times that button is hit, it's about what you do when it's hit. I could've easily allowed today to suck, instead I decided to act, ask, pray and work on my attitude all morning. It helps when you have people or a person in your corner, if you don't have one, just message me, I'll be more than happy to say a prayer for you.
<3 Ebony
Thursday, July 28, 2016
Monday, July 11, 2016
FERGIE
So, a few moms HATE this video! They think it's gross and yadda yadda yadda.. Wendy Williams shares that she thinks the moms that are heating are the ones who didn't lose that 'extra 20lbs" OUCH! Harsh words Wendy!! With that said, I had to check it out. Fergie's new video called M.I.L.F $ aka Mother's I Like to Follow is pretty dope and Fergalicious
Monday, June 27, 2016
Truth About The Weight
It wasn't a food issue with me, it was a heart and health issue.
When it comes to my weight loss, I get the feeling that some think I was a bigger girl from the beginning of time. Questions fill my inbox on wanting to know quick ways to lose weight and so on. So I thought I would share a painful truth. I wasn't a bigger girl from the beginning of time, instead my weight came from pain, abuse and health issues.
I was an athlete in school , basketball player, and track star; fitness and healthy ways of living has always been a part of my life since I was 14 years-old. After high school, I kept up with my cardio but this time I also added weights. What needs to be understood from that is that I have muscle memory, so when it came to losing weight it happened fast and my snapback wasn't hard to attain for me.
 |
| Left: 3 years ago Right: Me a couple days ago |
At a
KFAT 92.9 event 3 years ago, I was with a man who was abusive in many
ways. I was upset, sad, insecure, hated myself, lonely the list goes on. I went
from a size 4 weighing at 145 lbs to a size 12 weighing in at 190. It's amazing
to see what stress can do on the body.
The weight gain wasn't all stress and abuse, it was also due to a health issue that people don't know about. While dating this horrible person, I was diagnosed with cervical cancer, it was the beginning stages, but nonetheless the tactics to go about this issue to make sure it didn't spread wasn't easy, fun or nice. Imagine getting parts of your cervix frozen, biopsy after biopsy while having other procedures on other parts and so on. It hurt, and while my body was battling that, my heart murmur was battling to kill me, and my ex was hurting me in ways that I wish he would've killed me. Since I'm being honest, I wanted all the pain to stop, I wanted him to kill me because I had NO energy to grab my things and leave, I had no one to call for help, and when I called the police, they didn't help one officer laughed at my situation. God where are you? I need you now is all I can remember praying and crying every morning and night.
My days during this time went like this, work, hospital, home to get screamed at or worse, then sleep and do it all over in the morning. What makes it even more worse, is that despite being in the public eye I had no friends to turn to or family that I trusted. I was smiling, hosting events, going about my radio show, saying hi to my parents, attending 'friends' birthday parties etc. Smiling at them while no one cared to ask "how are you?" not a single person asked how I was, instead it was can you do this? can I barrow that? hey Ebony can you loan me...I think you get my drift, I'm sure you can relate to being used and having no one there either right?
The weight gain wasn't all stress and abuse, it was also due to a health issue that people don't know about. While dating this horrible person, I was diagnosed with cervical cancer, it was the beginning stages, but nonetheless the tactics to go about this issue to make sure it didn't spread wasn't easy, fun or nice. Imagine getting parts of your cervix frozen, biopsy after biopsy while having other procedures on other parts and so on. It hurt, and while my body was battling that, my heart murmur was battling to kill me, and my ex was hurting me in ways that I wish he would've killed me. Since I'm being honest, I wanted all the pain to stop, I wanted him to kill me because I had NO energy to grab my things and leave, I had no one to call for help, and when I called the police, they didn't help one officer laughed at my situation. God where are you? I need you now is all I can remember praying and crying every morning and night.
My days during this time went like this, work, hospital, home to get screamed at or worse, then sleep and do it all over in the morning. What makes it even more worse, is that despite being in the public eye I had no friends to turn to or family that I trusted. I was smiling, hosting events, going about my radio show, saying hi to my parents, attending 'friends' birthday parties etc. Smiling at them while no one cared to ask "how are you?" not a single person asked how I was, instead it was can you do this? can I barrow that? hey Ebony can you loan me...I think you get my drift, I'm sure you can relate to being used and having no one there either right?
I had enough of it all, which lead me to take a job in Texas. I was free, I was
able to see what I allowed to happen to me. I was always a size 4-5 weighing
140-150lbs... all of a sudden I'm a size 12 and weighing in at 190.
I didn't notice what happened, I was in pain and focusing on staying
alive I didn't notice the weight. Also, no one who 'loved' me, who said they would keep it 100, told me that I gained weight; I guess that's because it would have to lead to a "What's going on?" questions and in all honesty, no one cared about what was going on.
Moving cleared my vision, helped me seek God in many ways. Once I got the keys to my apartment, I started running on the treadmill. I'll never forget it, I ran 10 miles the first night. Then I cried. I cried out the pain, betrayal, every emotion I cried and asked God to heal me. I love to run, I was a track star so it wasn't new to me. The next day I ran 4 miles, and everyday after that. Slowly increasing to 5, then 6 then well you get my drift.
Moving cleared my vision, helped me seek God in many ways. Once I got the keys to my apartment, I started running on the treadmill. I'll never forget it, I ran 10 miles the first night. Then I cried. I cried out the pain, betrayal, every emotion I cried and asked God to heal me. I love to run, I was a track star so it wasn't new to me. The next day I ran 4 miles, and everyday after that. Slowly increasing to 5, then 6 then well you get my drift.
When I finally got a gym membership, I started lifting weights, oh the release you get from lifting! I dropped the weight in a matter of months, first month I dropped over 15 lbs and in total I dropped 50lbs with a gain of 10 in muscle! I would like to reiterate that I have awesome muscle memory so my weight loss was rapid, effective and will stick. When I say it sticks for me, it's been two years and the weight is still off and wont be coming back.
It wasn't a food issue with me, it was a heart and health issue. So fiddling with my "diet" would make no sense. Nonetheless, I'm back to who I was prior, actually I'm even better because now I have a booty! All laughs aside, each weight loss or gain journey is different, we all have different triggers. You might be in pain, lazy, lost, it doesn't matter we all have a story. My perfect body was ruined by pain and me allowing the aftermath, but I said enough. So, what's your story?
<3 Ebony
Saturday, June 25, 2016
Thursday, June 23, 2016
My Fear
I had this fear of what people thought about me. At 18, I was
scared for all the backlash from being on television, what would my friends
think and or say? As time went on, I lost a good amount of people in my life
because of my goals and inability to stop chasing them. Honestly, I believe in
the saying 'you can't lose what was never yours', that makes things easier for
me. Despite that, I still had this fear; this time it wasn't about losing
people, it was about loving people and allowing them to love me.
In life we all get hurt, for some the pain
is a 100/100 and for others the pain is a 10/100. For me, that pain was at the
highest on the scale that it could go.I'm well aware of what fear does, it holds you
back from experiences. I never want to miss out on those experiences because
I'm chicken shit over something that's inevitable,which is getting hurt. Like Bob Marley
says "truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the
ones worth suffering for."
As I allowed myself to get raw and face my
fears and allow people into my life I realized what I was missing. The true
connection with people that I lacked like many of us because we have walls up.
It's amazing what can happen when we work on ourselves, become strong, and
allow those walls to disappear. I'm also smarter about things and people. I don't just let any Joe Blow in my intimate circle, I have places for everyone so no boundaries are crossed. I realized that dating is a whole lot easier
because I'm secure, unafraid and having fun. I now differentiate friends and
acquaintances and know that I don't need to speak to someone every day to
consider them a friend. I now know that life is so beautiful when we choose to
love and not live in a shell.
Now when it comes to falling in love, I've
talked to my dad countless times, my friend Corinna also as well as one of my
best friends Tony. I'm only doing myself a disservice when it comes to relationships if I don't try because my exes either A. couldn't keep it in their pants or B. wouldn't stop with the abuse. Why should I suffer because of their actions? Haven't I suffered enough while being with them? I logged onto Facebook today, and my dad posted this quick video:
My heart is healed and so ready to get back on that horse one day.
I haven't been in a relationship for almost 4 years now, and I’m opening up to
the thought of entertaining one. As for now I'm thoroughly enjoying my journey until God sends Mr.Right my way.
My point is life
is so much better lived if we kick our fears to the curb.
<3 Ebony
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)