I Prayed For This

"I prayed for this" that's what my friend Corinna said when she was reflecting on her current journey. Which is what brought me here, which is what caused me to write this blog.

Frustration
Anger
Self-doubt
Irritation
Confusion
Scared
Insecure
Useless

All those things, I feel all those things when I'm on this amazing journey that's my life. Man how do I beat myself up and I know you can relate. I look in the mirror at times and question why I'm here, why I'm doing what I do then it hits me. I have a moment with a friend who was expressing her frustration and she stopped herself to say "I have to remember that I prayed for this,I have to stay grateful."

I immediately sat back in my chair as the music plays in the studio. I miss a talk break because I'm still staring at this line that she sent me. The sounds of Drake's latest song "Fake Love" that I was rocking too are now dimmed and drowned out by the echo of "I prayed for this."

As I looked outside, the snow lightly falls down covering the cars and the parking lot. It's then that I have a flashback of being in the news room at 18 years-old for KTBY-TV Fox News. I was doing a weather story just so anxious to be on the air at a young age about to talk to the public, me, young little baby faced me! I remember smiling in that moment and saying "Thank you God for showing me what you want me to do." I was grateful.

I snapped back to reality questioning why in the hell I wore what I did, I remembered the beginning of my journey, I went back to the VERY FIRST DAY that changed my life. I smiled, let a tear come down my face then I quickly wiped it away. I had to apologize to God and I thought I would share my prayer with you. For at any moment you find yourself a little ungrateful or feeling any of the emotions that I felt above just pray.

My God, 

I'm so sorry. You've taken the time to wake me up despite my ungrateful attitude.

You've given me another chance to make the most out of my life when others cannot and yet I have the audacity to complain? Where? How? Why? I'm a brat and spoiled because of how amazing you are and for that I failed to see where I am, how I got there and why. It's easy now to realize that the where, how and why are because of you. This is why you place great people in my life, without that talk with Corinna I would still be a jerk right now. Instead I see, and thank you for her and those like her that bless this world. My God I ask for forgiveness and thank you for that flash back. Thank you for the reminder of what I went through and where I was and why I'm here. despite what I feel, you will always have my back. Thank you Lord. 

in Jesus name I pray 

Amen 

<3 Ebony