She's So Catty!!!!!

Women, we can be caring, loving, forgiving, thoughtful and honest. Some on the other hand can be mean spiteful, deceiving and flat out bitchy.  There is always that type of female that fits in perfectly with the boys and not so well with the girls. Why? Well this type of female is usually fake and manipulative. Most honest women see through this type of chick and read her like a book. The other picks up on it and heads for the opposite sex. What better way to get in with people than to be "innocent" pretend like you mean well and smile? That is the perfect way to fit in with the fellas sometimes it can be the perfect way to fit in with other people as well. 

Take these three true stories for example, all  happened to be good friends of mine and all have gave me permission to write about it.Thanks guys :) : 

Maid of Honor vs the Bridesmaid 

A good friend of mine (Harmony) was maid of honor at her best friends wedding. We all know that this role is important and holds many challenges. Harmony is so sweet she does all that is asked and more to make sure her bff's wedding is going to be amazing! Then there is this other chick (Stacy) whose a bridesmaid but THINKS shes the maid of honor. Stacy slowly tries to creep in and take over tasks Harmony is supposed to do completely undermining her and taking credit when credit is NOT due. Soon things start to build, Harmony is being nice about the situation and respecting the fact that its her friends day. NOW its time for the wedding. Long story short the back room turned into a WWE match. Harmony and the bride ended up arguing at the wedding and Stacy was right there pointing and instigating the situations. Harmony finally opened her mouth and blurted out what's been happening. The Bride faces Stacy and asks her if this is true, (by the way I was on the couch helping the flower girl  wishing I had pop corn) Stacy confessed and said: "Well I wanna be important on your day too! Why is it about you?" Ugh sooo Stacy was eventually kicked out the wedding and out the brides life. Come to find out she was just being nice because the bridesmaid was a childhood friend and she didn't want to let her mother down. 

Experienced Worker vs Newbie

Now, here is another topic.... Say you've been in your job field for over  10 years and you know it like the back of your hand, that market, that specific job title and the people you're around. Then comes in someone who did that someplace else and believes they know best. My friend Shannon was in this position, and hearing what went down by her and her co workers about this newbie is amazing!! Check this out. The newbie comes in, tries to take Shannon's clients and spreads bad things about her through out the company. When confronted by Shannon the newbie denied every accusation. So Shannon being the bigger person let it go and kept an eye on the newbie. Soon enough the newbie was back at it again, talking to her clients, speaking with management and coming off like she is so innocent and is only trying to help. Well management see this and takes her side, talks to Shannon and tries to put her in place (without confronting and asking what's going on they assumed) Well Shannon then quit that job and soon after she was receiving calls to come back. Why? Well management found out the newbie wasn't so innocent and had backwards intentions. Oh well, their loss. 

Longtime Girlfriend vs Everyone Else 

So now we reach the tale of Anthony, a friend I've known since I was about 6 years old. He meets this girl while he was away in college and brings her back to Alaska with him. She meets the family, they like her thinks shes sweet and good for him. She meets us, his friends and we weren't so sure. We see something completely different. Instead of that innocent girl, me and a few others see someone manipulative, catty and just flat out bitchy. We don't say anything at first because this is based off feelings and assumptions. Soon a couple weeks go by and the girlfriend starts her demands, pointing and yelling. She then takes Anthony away from us guarding her man and not allowing him any type of freedom. She begins to tell him, how we don't care and talk bad about her and him behind their back. He soon begins to believe her and distance himself from us. We would call Anthony and she would answer, we would leave her messages to pass on say for events, club nights, game nights, dinners, birthdays etc and for some reason Anthony would never show. He dated her for about 5 years until he realized what she was doing and caught her in the middle of a lie that unleashed many more. Soon he broke it off and came back to his real friends. 

Despite everything no matter what situation you may be in, there is always that person who will try you and press the innocent button. In these situations the best thing to do is keep your cool and let them self destruct, much like the women mentioned in this blog. Keep your distance but at the same time be that persons best friend. It's a simple case of keep your friends close and your enemies closer. 

UGH! Damn You Disney!!!

From the time we were born and watched our little Disney movies, most girls want that princess wedding and have our prince rescue us. Becoming that Snow White, Sleeping Beauty or Bell from Beauty and The Beast is what most girls wanted to grow up as. And forget about it if our parents bought us the matching little costume dresses! After that we were guaranteed certified princesses! But then we grow up, and our choice of princes' are rare and filled with boys who wanna touch boobs and be sticky and gross. Then those boys grow  into the teenage phase were they find out their thing a lang raises and then become promiscuous. Then we have to wait a LONG LONG time for our prince to actually mature into the man we have always dreamed about. What happens when we reach this point? Well all our years of waiting have turned us towards a disbelief lifestyle. AKA all guys are douche bags stage.

Confused a little guys? Well let me explain. After all those years of being filled with false hopes of singing animals, handsome princes, and evil step sisters. We have counted on those movies to be true until we are grown up enough to realize its a bunch of mumbo jumbo.  

Ladies go through the phase of always wanting a mate and we have that mindset that we can be with one forever, but guys don't feel that way when they are young. Young means exactly that young and fun! So we will do what we do, party, chill with our boys and hit on girls. Whats wrong with that? To a girl it's all wrong, princes don't do that. and THAT'S WHERE WE ARE MESSED UP! THANK YOU PRINCESS MOVIES! 

Eventually we find our prince and become that princess but when we reach this stage there comes many battles. Both sexes are grown enough to know and understand what it takes to be with someone, but the real trick is holding on and learning that someone. You go through your honey moon stage were it's all lovey dovey, kisses, cute text messages and long night phone calls. All seems so peachy for the first couple months, then you hit around the 4th or 5th month and that's when shit gets real! You have to now begin to think if this person is worth spending more months, even years and possibly forever with. Some ladies can know this within the first couple months and some guys need more time to find that out and take it day by day. Why? Well that's how they think and to be honest I wouldn't mind being able to think this way. 

Then you hit the awkward kinda jealous over looking stage. Were we begin pay attention to the little things and make note. We notice who your female/male friends are and how much they try to talk to you (note guys: even if you tell us about a female friend we may forget a name, but we never forget a face, body language or conversation; and 9 times out of 10 that will be brought up in a conversation). This little stage can make or break people, some might think the other is being overbearing and jealous; when in reality the other person just wants to know who that female or male is, and what purpose they have in your life. Some go as far as telling the other person : "Umm they need to chill out, or they need to step back" If this is said or felt, ladies and gents don't get iffy, just think about it. Would you want another person coming all up in your business and having the possibility to ruin your relationship? This stage can last a matter of months to even years! Before all of this is sorted out. Not only do you have to figure out who other people are to you, you also weed through your friends and see which are poisonous to you and your relationship, you have to fight off and set others straight(as in whose crushing on you) and then you have to see if your mate fits into your family.  So don't get it wrong, this stage is a long process, and this process allows the two people to see if it's really worth it AKA the GROWTH PHASE.

IF you make it through that stage then you truly begin to learn and understand that person. All that time spent and talking builds allowing that bond to get stronger. That level of understanding is at an high that can only go up. At this point you set the exes straight, you kept your friends opinions out and you keep your relationship between the two of you. What now? Weill you grow and you wait to see where life's headed. You understand now not to assume and know it's open to speak with your partner about whats ahead, your fears, your faults and what bothers you. After all that you may even fall in love. Marriage? Well not necessarily, relationships are a life long process and commitment. Sometimes people grow apart despite being together for years.They may have become the best of friends but have fallen out of love. Is this bad? No at least you knew what it felt like and you are aware of what to do in the next relationship.  But since we are keeping things on the optimistic side, lets just say you fight long and hard, and you get married and it's finally your ever after. :) 

I'm definitely not a love guru or anything, just an observation. I've been around and still am around happy couples, who have been together for years and I mean decades. Some are married and some are not, does one relationship mean they love each other more? NO it  just means that works for them. Not everyone is going to be married or think its a way to go. Love is a beautiful thing, and WHEN you find it appreciate it. This blog was inspired by the ones around me, speaking knowledge and filling my head with truth as well as personal experience from my past and current relationship. 

Teamwork OR Every Man For Himself ?

I find this to be fun and useful. Many places and people say lets come together and all will be ok!! So for fresh minds walking into a situation, this might sound great! Yes I am around positive people. Yes this place really does value other people and their opinions without judgement.  I finally found a secure place to sink my feet in. Whether it be about work, school, friends, or new people teamwork is essential for all. 

What happens when you join a team and all of a sudden that team work starts to look a little more like this Picture---------------->

Soon pieces of the puzzle are broken off. This could be from days to months to even years before people start to fall off.

 Why is that?

Sometimes when you get a group of people together with a bunch of opinions and attitudes things start to clash. That teamwork that was so highly talked about and praised soon turns into something like this---->

Ah the blame game! Aka when you or someone else doesn't agree on one thing, so you just randomly pick and when all goes wrong! One of you blames the other because it was their idea in the first place.  Then that team goes up in smoke and you start to do it all by your lonesome. 

How do you get back to that teamwork stage? 

Well just sit back, sometimes shut up, don't jump to conclusions, admit when you're wrong, and most importantly help one another. When you blame others, come off wrong, or assume you know something when in the end you don't YOU WILL break that team apart. It only takes ONE person to ruin everything. Whether your a manager, a friend, or a school teacher etc, when you scold someone else without knowing the facts; you really do seem well dumb. KNOW what you're talking about, HELP when needed keep your temper calm and don't make slick idle threats. When you tell a someone this is their last shot, or you have one more time, or even we will be watching you closer, why did you do this instead of that blah blah blah ;  that will not only drive them away from you, it will also make them not care about the situation at hand.  No one wants to hear the bad all the time with no mixture of good. It's all about presentation. 

Words are a key to success, communication is a definite when working with anyone in any circumstance. When you communicate you understand, then you're able to see that you aren't all the same, yes you have different opinions, your minds do in fact think differently and you all may see something different as well. When you SPEAK on that, you allow that relationship to grow. Keep an open mind and stop judging. It's so easy for people to say but A LOT harder to do.  

Help build that bridge again and you'll be smiling in the end. 

Worry Wart or People Pleaser?

Yeah... This is what eventually happens when you try to please everyone! 

Happy Monday!!!!  Here we are again, after hopefully having a great weekend we are all back at work, in class etc. Staring at the calendar I can't help but be glad to see there are only 4 more days until my love (FRIDAY) is back in my life! So what comes of working and school and family/friends to a person who has it set in their mind that they have to please, smile and be happy all the time for people??? Well look at the picture above!

Hello my Worry Warts! My People Pleasers!! How are you doing today? One of my friends is a people pleaser she admits that she has this weakness for people and trying to make them happy and do every task that is given or even brought to her. Yes she could say NO but like many of you out there you don't want to say NO. Some of you (much like my lovely friend) don't like to disappoint people and tend to take on much more than you should.

I can't lie, I USED to do that and it drove me insane!! I used to be that way, tried to be perfect and live up to peoples expectations and standards. Then I came to the conclusion: "Why aren't they living up to their standards of how I perceive them? Why is it just one sided?" Noticing that people call when I'm needed and think that I am available 24/7 to help was the biggest mistake I could have ever done in m life, not just with friends/family but also professionally.

With family and friends, we tend to get taken advantage of because they already deem you as that type they can always count on and will never say no. Then as for a job they called on me all the time because I helped once; and helping in that one situation made them believe I can help in ALL situations like it; despite how busy I am and what I'm  doing. Then when it came time for me to call on my  co-workers  and ask for help in a situation they were no where to be found until Monday morning.  What do I do? That's all I kept thinking, then I treated those people like they do me. My work I kept professional, didn't converse on personal issues and when they called after hours or on weekends, I answered but said "no, I'm preoccupied sorry" and when I was able to help I did go in, but kept it at a minimum. They can use the 10-20 other people in the business to help in those hours, mine are strictly 8-5p Mon-Fri. My family and friends well I just told them off and everything is ok, they apologized and life is good.

Standards, you have to have them, don't just allow other people to hold you up to theirs, make sure to hold others up to yours also. If  you have a  fear of letting someone down, get over that. You are a human being not a robot or some character in a Hollywood movie. It's ok to say no when you have to much on your plate and it's ok to say yes if you honestly feel like you can do that task to the best of your ability. Be conscious on what you do, have timing, and know your schedule and have a back bone. Regardless of what you do, people are always going to have their thoughts good an bad despite your work ethic.

So my loves stop over doing it, stress is an ugly thing and we have to try our best to not allow ourselves to be placed in those situations. I know it's tough, I've been recently in stressful situations but I look at the bright side of things and ultimately feel sorry for some people who try to stress me out and/or make me worry about situations that I could careless about. I'm very busy so to allow a single person to have that type of effect on me, isn't worth my health and time..

Breathe 

Beautiful Alaska

See Alaska and I... we have this love hate type of relationship, winter time we seem to do nothing but fight and bicker but when the so sweet summer comes my way, I can't help but fall right back in love.  You see people complain about Alaska and say " isn't there snow 24/7?" "do you have a pet polar bear?"  OR now my recent favorite, "what's Sara Palin really like??"  People make me laugh with the things they really believe goes on here. So to answer these questions " no there is not snow 24/7" and "no I don't own a polar bear he was shot down for protecting our pet penguins" and "I have no idea how Sara Palin really is, never met her."

Many people from Alaska get irritated by the simple questions and I have to keep reminding people that I know and myself at times, don't blame them for what they know; it's not like  education on how Alaska really is, is being taught. I mean I've lived here all my life and in high school my senior year I had to take Alaska studies, and passed with flying colors!!!! (Found that class to be quite insulting)

Alaska has your winters, falls, springs, and summers that will melt your heart and make you  fall in love with the scenery. I love every other season and winters on occasion (mainly on Christmas and New Years Eve) :D
When I travel out of state and show my ID, people stare at it for a good minute or so. In my mind I'm preparing myself to hear whatever outlandish questions they may want to ask; 9 times out of 10 the questions make me giggle.

One time in Seattle aka my second home, this cab driver asked me "if there really are 30 days of night like the movie and do vampires really come out???" This cashier at Macy's asked me: "there really are black people in Alaska?" then as I walk into a bar with my lovely sister buy a drink the bar tender asks: "are you in witness protection? I mean why else would you be there?"

Sigh**** I love it all in all. The things others come up with are always fresh and new it makes me appreciate how I was brought up.

Anywho today will be reaching in the mid 70's and the sun is blazing outside, soon as it's time to get off work I will be MIA  getting lost in the AK weather with the bf. You guy have a fantastic weekend!!!!!