Personal Touch

As I'm in the studio waiting to do my next break, "Human" by Christina Perri begins to play. I'm the type of person who doesn't like to showcase the bad in my life. I tend to hold onto many things, mainly because I feel the less people know the better and lets face it, thinking happiness makes you live longer and sleep easier.

This move from Alaska to Texas still hasn't hit me yet, and I've almost been here a month. I feel as if one day, at a random point in time whether I'm shopping or driving to Houston on the weekend I feel my reality will hit me. I feel as if I will finally understand that I 'm one step closer to achieving all things I aspire to be. I will then finally realize that out of the 200+ rejections I've come encountered with (whether it be books submissions or job applications) 1 believed in me; and you only need 1.

I've come to Texas with no ties, no pain, no regrets a clean slate. At 25 my life started in the beginning of October when I first stepped foot on the airplane. I realized that my "friends"  I accumulated before leaving were temporary, mainly by their actions and my unwillingness to let people mooch off me I'm at a stage in my life where I'm 100% happy with myself, how I look, how I act, my freckles on my face and neck, how my corny and quirkiness come into play at random times. I fully love me with all my flaws and all my mistakes.

Just for a personal touch, I've been secluded, in isolation to finish my writing projects. I don't even own a television that's how focused I am. Moving here feels more like home than any other state I've ever lived in or visited. There's creative people all around me, people who are my age and have GOALS and working to achieve them. People younger than me who have major aspirations! People I'm surrounding myself with aren't okay with the bare minimum life has to offer. They wont accept mediocre, they want the best. It's refreshing to see people my age have a goal and will not accept NO for an answer;where I"m from I'm not used to such driven people and it's contagious.

Maybe the day of realization is now..... Maybe I'm in a place now in the studio as I play Fegire LA Love (la La) that I realize this door that Candy 95 has opened, can never be shut. I can feel in my heart the other opportunities that are waiting for me....


Yeah... Today is my day of reality.

Thoughts = Rubix Cube

Jumbled thoughts
words are all discombobulated and transformed
into different meanings
like the your
or is it you're?
what about yours? is that even a word?
Simple things
words
motions
meanings
become or is it became?
jumbled all because we think or thought? to much
because our thoughts are like
a
Rubix Cube

Breathing becomes a chore
thinking becomes a pattern of hurt
walking becomes the devils playground
and speaking... speaking with eloquence becomes
little
or
hard
to come by
buy or bye or bi?
I'm sure one means a greeting and the other well never-mind
my mind is like
a
Rubik's Cube

Simple gestures a simple
"hey how are ya?"
transforms into
"hay are you?"
doesn't make sense but the way my mind words
it jumbles everything back together
the complex nature of ones mind
drives me crazy or is it us crazy?
I did say ones mind right?

Is it Rubix or Rubik's?
damn....

-Ebony Williams

listening to Jhene Aiko- Promises

Nightly Thoughts of a Writer - By Ebony Williams

Nightly Thoughts of a Writer-


If she's your lady
tell her she's beautiful everyday
give her a hug and kiss her forehead

original by Corinna Delgado

hold her face and look into her eyes

if she's your lady
hold her hand and be proud to have her
smile at her sometimes for no reason at all
make it known to her that there is no other

if shes your lady
don't let her think she has competition
don't allow her mind to believe in the faults of man
don't let her settle into the mindset that men aren't any good

If she's your lady
treat her as such
love her as such
hug her
kiss her
hold her
Talk. To. Her                                                                            
If she's your lady
treat her right, she will in deed treat you better

That's only
If
She's your lady.

-Ebony Williams

It's Your Time

It's Your Time 

We sit back and let life pass us by 

sometimes 

We sit there and think of things we should be doing 

sometimes 

We sit in silence praying and waiting for God to give us an answer 

sometimes 

The answer is revealed when we get up and do something 

"IT'S YOUR TIME"

Words I've heard for the past couple years 

but yet

 I was still fighting many demons 

but yet 

God was saying to keep walking 

but yet 

I curled up in a ball and would randomly get the energy to fight... 

I ... I .... I 

See the selfishness in the above statement ?

"I ".... 

The battle wasn't mine to fight 

you see 

God fights through us 

you see 

God is the shield the protector off all that goes through me 

you see 

God was telling me to walk a long time ago 

you see 

But I was fighting...... me

It's your time leads to are you ready? 

wait 

Breathing, waiting, anticipating the future but 

wait. 

That future seems so bleak that nothing seems to seep light 

wait 

What do I do now? 

Pause....... 

Breathe.... 

Pray........ 

Wait..........

Patience....

When you get a chance you have to take it. When those demons come knocking just walk past it. When that light seems like it's to dim.... just remember that there is light 

seeing light means there is a way out, there are better days and this storm will go away. 

It's Your Time... What are you going to do now? 

-Ebony Williams

MESSAGE: SUPPORT

Maybe a month or so ago a "friend" questioned my support when it came to their events. I was amused until he proceeded to talk on something that he had no room to speak on. Today I received a message about support and how someone appreciates my support, financial and presence wise. Here's how I feel about it, as I wrote a nice status on Facebook I decided to delete it and create a blog. 

I have so much love and appreciation for those who I know and don't who support my craft. I'm not just talking about a "like" on a status or a comment of "good job" "congrats" etc. I'm talking about the ones who come out of pocket of maybe $9-15 to buy a book. Someone who spends gas to make it to events, those people I love dearly. As a creative mind and using writing as an outlet seeing people post my book and saying "go get it! this is hilarious" warms my heart. I released my first novel about two years ago and I run into people who say "man I still need to cop the first one" ... I just smile and go about my day. I know they wont "cop the first one". If they haven't had time to spend $10 on the first one in the matter of two years, what's a couple more right? ;) 

Verbal support is great too. The more word of mouth people have about your project the more people it will reach. Word of mouth or words of the keyboards spread awareness to an audience you probably couldn't have reached on your own. So for those who talk about my projects, post to Instagram, Facebook, re tweet whatever, thank you. 

Here's where support claims bother me. You can't get mad and try to give verbal lashings at someone when they don't support you. Look at what you're doing? Have you supported them? Have you bought a mix-tape/cd, a book, gone to events and so on? If no (like my friend) then why have the audacity to get mad when those people don't support you? People at times want you to do for them, give for them clear your schedules for them. I know the people who wont do that for me; and for those people I don't support your events, your crafts or anything else you have going on. Simply because of the greed, the judgment and attitude that comes from their direction. Alaska is small despite it's size; so when you speak ill about someone else, trust me others will find out. Why would anyone want to be in business or associated with a bad mouthed foul person?

When I have time I most certainly go to events, I do grab mix-tapes and buy local artists cds. I don't showcase it or brag about it. Instead I send it out to other radio personalities who have to ability to play it on the radio. I do my support in a quiet way and don't want recognition by it.  By me being a creative mind I understand the hustle and I can't help but respect those who I see working just as hard if not harder than I do.

So for my writers, rappers, dancers, photographers, artists etc. I see you! Keep on doing what you're doing I'm sure we will link up when we reach the top. May god be with us because Lord knows our chosen profession require a lot of dedication, heart and faith.