My Journey to Happiness: Celebrate Recovery

I didn't realize how miserable things were for me until I heard the phrase "you can choose to be happy." I never understood that because who would choose to be miserable?  I took a  good look in the mirror and realized that I was choosing not to be happy. 

It all started with thoughts in the morning on how this and that is wrong, or I'm failing at this, or I'm mad at this person; instead of waking up thankful for another day. I was deciding to go back to a place of pain because it was familiar. 

They say, the mind is a powerful thing and God even says be careful what you think and speak.Remember being told to "watch what you say?"now I totally understand that meaning. 

I was waking up in the morning heavily depressed not knowing that I was unintentionally setting myself up for failure and choosing being sad over being happy. 

I realized that life is short, people piss you off  and things wont always go your way, however; at the end of the day, it's just you and God. God wants us to be happy and to love but I couldn't love anybody because I was improperly loved by people who should've loved me. Which in turn caused me to look for love in all the wrong places. 

So with the talk to God and a slap in the face of reality I decided to join an amazing group called Celebrate Recovery. It's a Christlike centered therapy group .A safe place that allows you to surrender all your hurts, hang ups and habits. A couple weeks ago, I got my 60 day chip. :)

What's next? This hair has GOT TO GO!

-xo Ebony  

My Journey to Happiness: My Body

I started this journey with a move, and now I have to change me.

I looked int he mirror at pounds of fat that had piled up from bad choices and bad men. I looked at years of abuse, mental, physical, emotional and of alcohol. I looked in the mirror at my 5'7" frame, weighing in at 197lbs. I held my weight well....

I sat in my empty apartment, I only had a blow up mattress, a few frozen meals in the fridge and $20 in my pocket. I cried, I was thankful to finally sleep in peace, not be scared for what might come in the door or who might show up at my house. I was also crying because I lost myself, not just in my weight but in my heart.

Step one, I went to the bootleg gym at my apartment complex and decided to run. I ran for almost an hour. I burned thousands of calories, I was sweating, crying, yelling at times; people walked by staring like "who is this psycho?" I forgot how many miles I ran within that hour, I just know, that I was hurt and that was my release. Operation old Ebony (body wise) in effect NOW!

In four months, I dropped over 40lbs. I think I dropped the weight so fast because I was always active, healthy and an athlete. So when I fell off the bandwagon, getting back on it wasn't difficult for me at all. I ran my first 5k for a sorority house in town.I began group bootcamps bright and early with FITU and Trainer Ashlye, and I started lifting weights at Golds Gym. Now I can step outside and into the humidity without the fear of dying, because I made it my bitch, I ran in that shit.

Whats next? figuring out who God is....

-xo Ebony 

My Journey to Happiness: The Move

Deciding to move is a HUGE deal. I've moved before, went to Seattle for a few months before starting my career and moving back to Anchorage, Alaska. It wasn't until September of 2014, when I had enough. Enough of the drama, the stress, the bad people, lack of support, loneliness and did I mention Drama? My mind was brewing and my heart was at work on getting out of Alaska but in the proper way... getting a job! So I searched, endlessly, rejections came nonstop UNTIL I received an offer letter from Candy 95 in College Station Texas. A month later, I was on my way out of the last frontier and headed to Texas, cowboy boots anyone?

I stepped off the plane, and was hit in the face with humidity. I felt like I was going to die as I was searching for my inhaler. But instead, I heard God ask, are you ready? I smiled, grabbed my luggage from baggage claim, and told God "I sure am"I finally took a chance on me, what will I encounter on this journey to self discovery and happiness? I have NO IDEA! BUT I'm more than willing to find out.


Whats next? My Body
-xo Ebony

Exes and Questions.. Would You Do This?

Well.. They were together for seven years.. After being split for two years, they decide to face each other again and get answers to the questions that's been brewing in their minds! Ugh would you do this? I cried a little.. don't judge me.

SPEAK Dr. Umar!!!!