Third Book is here!

Can we say excited? Blessed? Humble? Man oh man my God is amazing and seeing my work in my hands is even more amazing. Let the first round of edit begin! I will release the title and what it's about in time for now we have to make sure it's perfect :) 

Crucified My Own Heart-Ebony

Getting love in a world full of hate 

Seems impossible with all my mistakes 

Finding love in a place with disgrace 

Makes me wonder if I ever had a place 

To call my own something to call home maybe even someone to call on

The world makes you cold 

Bitter... In a way it gives you jitters 

Lookin over my shoulder to see only my shadow followed by pitch forks and torches 

But yet he expects us to love this? 

Nail me to the cross 

Crucified my own heart 

Mind in a furry 

Words all bunched up  

Vision is blurry 

Actions all screwed up

Living in a world full of hate

Is the same as loving people

Despite them being a mistake 

Nail me to the cross 

Crucified my own heart 

Wipe those tears 

And use a needle to sow my fears

With all the lies and hurt and it's starting to seep through 

I don't know if I have enough thread to mend what's due

Nail me to the cross 

Crucified my own heart

Smile on my face 

Can't let them know they beat me 

Smile on my face 

As I walk in new territory 

Smile on my face 

So they can't see my pain leak 

Smile on my..... 

Many say:

Nail me to the cross 

I can't love in this world 

so I crucified my own heart 

Might as well die now 

Just die off make my life short 

To experience no love, tell me what is life meant for? 

Many say: 

Just nail me to the cross

I don't wanna feel my heartbeat 

So many just crucify their own heart 

Because of all their emines 

They don't know where the lie ends 

They can't see where their life begins 

So they just burry it deep inside 

Not allowing them to live life 

They say God is love 

And he is what we seek 

How can we not love if love is what God has made in us? 

The weak, the ill, the sick minded 

Much like us we all need one thing 

So don't nail me to the cross 

Don't crucify my heart 

I Believe it'll happen again

Until then I gotta let my heart mend. 

I won't allow society to tell me how it should be 

What's me and what's reality 

You can't blindfold me and end me 

You can't nail me to the cross and crucify my heart 

-Ebony 

Just Ordered My Third Novel

Oh man guys! I'm beyond happy right now. For those who know me you know that writing is what I LOVE and the fact that GOD Is allowing me to do so is amazing. I just ordered a copy of my third novel, so I can edit it before I send it to my editor. Lesson learned from my first novel, ALWAYS check your work! You check it, send it off maybe two to three times and then YOU check it again. I was very sour how my first book was edited, mainly because I paid an editing team who did a very bad job, now my first baby is out there lookin  a hot ass mess! But not any more!

My second novel I Hate Social Networking is still doing very well! I love my editor for loving my work and making it extra spectacular. With this third novel I can't help but feel excitement. I'll say the title of the book and what its about in a month or so :). I love reading my first book and then my second and now my third, looking and seeing how much I've grown with my writing is great. The fact that you guys are buying it shows that you care about my growth. It's like you're watching me grow through my writing so we are growing together; that is very personal :)


Check out the "My Books" section to see what's out and whats on the way! Thank you all for the support I love you and appreciate the buys, the kind words and the prayers! Please keep praying for a sista I greatly appreciate it .

<3 Ebony

Nicki with Angie Martinez

Well her album The Pink Print (out now) is fantastic very raw with emotion, she had to take a break as the interview with Angie Martinez got a little emotional. Honestly it makes her more human, and makes me an even bigger fan. 

Holiday Happy

I love the holidays, despite most of them being drama filled and just awkward with fake "love" in the air. To me there's something about holiday smells that soothes my heart. I'm not disappointed to spend the holidays in Texas this year and not in Alaska; although I will say snow is much missed for Christmas time.

Thanksgiving this year, had to be the first time I've experienced a happy holiday. There was no awkwardness, everyone I was with was at the table, laughing talking and enjoying each other NOT on the phone or locked away in a room. We cooked together, laughed, released some stress; girl chat was great and it's something I really don't get to experience. After a much needed nap, us ladies got pretty and danced the night away.

Sitting there at the table and watching new friends and old friends build relationships, I realized that this is how it's supposed to be. You're supposed to be happy. I wasn't bored, I wasn't surrounded by weird conversation, or quietness that would usually fill the air.

What do the holidays bring you? Is it happiness? Grief? Pain? If it doesn't bring happiness than change the scenery for once and see what that brings you. I realized it's the little things that matter, the looks, the smiles, the conversation. The people around you do in fact have an impact on how you act and deliver things. After having a great turkey day, I can happily say I wont settle for anything less than a happy, talkative, smile filled holiday because now I know it's possible and not just a plot in a Hallmark movie.

Christmas will be very different this year as I plan to spend it solo. I need time to myself and reflect, Jesus has been more than good to me, I don't believe the word exists yet for how well off I am thanks to him. I plan to take that day and the days leading up to it and after to be in practice of solitude with just him and I.I get excited every morning as I pray and follow my plan on my Bible app, I know there's something right in front of me that he is planning to reveal. I have nothing else to say but thank you.

Fabolous- The Young OG Project Dec 25th

Can't wait to hear what Fab has to say on his new album The Young OG Project which drops Dec 25th.  Pre-order yours today at rocnation.com or  http://smarturl.it/iYoungOGProject  Check out his music video for Lituation and his interview with the Breakfast Club belo     
           

3 Reasons Why You Need Pink Print by Nicki Minaj

I'm just a kid in a candy store with all these new albums I have in rotation. From J Cole (Forest Hills Drive) to D'Angelo (Black Messiah) and NOW Nicki Minaj The Pink Print.  I admit I was surprised by this album. Usually I like a few songs but not the entire CD, but when I heard this album, I couldn't help but love it. Here are three reasons why you need this album.

1. Reminds me of mixtape Nicki 

2. Perfect! From the singing to the rapping to the collaborations, I loved this album from song #1-20

3. Emotion is raw. You can feel what she is singing and some songs makes you wanna cry

Favorite songs:   

1. I Lied 

2. Feelin Myself feat Beyonce 

3. Buy A Heart feat Meek Mill 

Music video I would love to see from this album is: 

Feelin Myself feat Beyonce 

14 Years! D'Angelo is Back

14 years later... and we finally get some new music from D'angelo! Granted he got locked up and was going throw some thangs, all in all it should be the recipe for a for sure fire album right? Well I listened to it last night AT MIDNIGHT when it dropped, and I must say I am NOT disappointed. This is the perfect time for what he has to say. Seems like he never missed a beat. Get it now! 

Stream it right now, listen here (you can use your facebook to log in, you don't need to create an account) : http://consequenceofsound.net/2014/12/dangelos-black-messiah-to-be-released-on-itunes-at-midnight/

Sunday Recap Candy95 Edition 12-14-14

I'm READY! Or Am I?

We claim to be ready for things. I'm ready for a relationship, I'm ready to have my career take off I'm ready, I'm ready I'm ready, slow down SpongeBob, are you truly ready?

 I listen to a lot of people express themselves on being ready to be in a relationship but yet they are frustrated that one doesn't magically appear. I found it easy to accept that I wasn't ready when I slowed down and allowed God to speak to me. I looked at myself and simply asked "Am I ready? What am I trying to do with my life? Where am I going?" I then realized that the THOUGHT of having a relationship was cherished more than actually having one. I was not ready for a relationship because to me it's a commitment. One that I plan to work on and take to the next level. I don't jump into things just to break up two or three months later.

 I sat back and realized I wasn't ready when I knew I wasn't going to stay in Alaska and that I sure as hell didn't want to raise a family there. So why start something with someone who had their whole life there and didn't plan on leaving when I knew in my heart I was never meant to live there forever? That would be selfish of me and unfair to that other person.

I have these goals that take up time, and energy; time that would need to be spent on someone else and not my goals which is something I'm not willing to do. Lets face it we ALL need attention, our men need it just as much if not more than we do. So for me to be in the gym, writing my books, going to school full time, working more than one job and having side gigs, the only time left I had was to shower and sleep and possibly eat. I was unwilling to cut time for the things that made me happy to allow a relationship into my life, but yet here I am in my selfish ways saying "God I want a relationship".

God is no fool, he knows my ass doesn't need one nor truly want one which is why that door was denied. He knew who I was supposed to be with was outside of where I was, and was on another level one like the one I plan on reaching. The one he has in mind wont bug me on where I'm at and will understand the time it takes and dedication needed to make my dreams happen. MY guy will have goals of his own and a hustle that's so sexy I have no choice but to make time for him. I wont be talked down to, or have someone who tries to make me feel like shit just because I want to write a book; instead he will uplift me and help me and speak beauty and encouragement into my life. When one is truly the one that God has planned for you, time will be made for that person, and it would be a pleasure and not a hassle to make it.

I also learned that some people are meant to show you that you are attractive, wanted and desired. SO many people have been hurt we wear these glasses that block us from feeling these things. We think everyone wants something when Gods intentions were to show us that we are worthy. That person who is giving you that gratification might not be your husband or wife, but just someone to uplift your spirit, and that's okay. Feel loved, sexy, attractive, wanted, desired, allow someone to blow smoke up your butt and enhance your ego we all need it at some point in life. Allowing that will bring along a new confidence, and confidence attracts MANY People, trust me!

So as I read statuses and text messages and listen to my lady friends and even listen to myself, the question isn't "why can't i find a good man or woman?" the questions are, are you truly ready? do you have all the things you planned on getting in your single life? are you established to the point where a man or woman isn't the sole purpose of your being? are you okay with where you are in your own happiness? are you truly ready?

 One of the most beautiful things I've heard someone say was when I met him at the mall and sat next to him on the bench and simply asked "what's your story" he was more than happy to gush about his wife, she was his story:  "Love requires so much emotion and restraint, you have to be patient and secure in yourself. otherwise little things will bother you and make you doubt, and those two things will ruin your marriage. everyday I grow in love with my wife, everyday I learn something new and I love it. We have been married 65 years and every-time I look at her it's just like we first met. She was a busy journalist and I was military, I traveled and moved a lot and her jobs made her move a lot. Many years we kept contact and always loved each other. I wanted her to prosper and live her dreams, she knew I needed to serve and finish out my duties with the military. We were honest and open and that made us trust one another. It took ten years for me to get her as my wife, but in ten years we both lived our life and was ready for that next step. Stop rushing, get to know someone it takes time it really does, but when that time is right it's truly worth it."- Henry

It's like he knew what I was wanting to hear, age will do that to ya I suppose. The way he looked at her and watched her slowly walk back to the bench was beautiful we all deserve that look. I can honestly say I get that look now and I love it, might just be for a moment or it might be for a lifetime either way like Corinna tells me "don't block your blessings because of fear"

3 Reasons why you need to buy Forest Hills Drive by J Cole

One of the most anticipated albums people have been wanting is from J Cole. Since his release of  Born Sinner in 2013 hip hop lovers have been WAITING for J Cole to drop a new album. On Dec 9th he released Forest Hills Drive. Before the album dropped it was leaked, of course I listened to it knowing that I will buy this album no matter what. While listening to his album and getting lost in his words I came up with three reasons why you need to buy this album.

1. It's reality that's spoken without fear. Thoughts and words we all have felt but for some that are to afraid to say it, Cole says it just perfectly.

2. It's proof that real hip hop isn't dead

3. It'll make you want to get up off your ass and do something with your life.

 Being motivated by one of the best, powerful most influential voices of our time. J. Cole is one of five artists that I listen to when I'm having writers block. Hearing another persons creativity will motivate you and get you out of that funk.

Poem or thoughts....

 According to the world natural beauty isn't a real thing. The European look is validated while the natural look from the mother land is mocked. I'm to dark no wait not dark  enough to tall no wait not tall enough, to big chested but for this you're not big enough, small ass I'm not thick enough but my thighs tho?  

No makeup that means I don't care about how I look. To much makeup and then I'm a whore with daddy issues. Small heels and I'm uncoordinated or a child, six inch heels and I'm a stripper or prostitute. Tight clothes mean I'm a whore baggy clothes means I have no confidence.

 Saying "I want a man" and I'm a weak woman saying "I don't need a man" and I'm a stupid woman. Having lots of girl friends means I'm a party gossip girl, having lots of male friends and I'm a THOT (which makes no sense by the way). Having no friends I'm a loner with bipolar disorder. 

Getting focused and staying quiet all of a sudden "I changed" making money and now I hear "money changed me" I've been the same but you didn't bother to SEE me. Don't answer my phone because I'm always being used, answer my phone and they say "I have nothing better to do". 

Write a blog about reality an Indepth perspective on situations and now I'm called the Taylor Swift of radio because I write my emotions but hey atleast she getting money though.  

Use real English the type certain people tried to hide from us and I'm "acting white" when I talk with ignorance or say "yassss bitch" I'm now considered to be "fitting in". 

Made white friends and now I'm selling out  to many black friends and I'm racist. Don't respond to messages on social sites now I'm a bitch. I say hi back and now They think I want the dick. 

In a better place and they say "I think I'm to good now". 

At the end of the day you'll never make everyone happy so Yes that is true according to you "I'm to good now" 

To good to sit back and allow the pointless thoughts, assumptions, negative notions, and bullying situations seep into my blood. To good to sit and be complacent by your side and die slowly in this life. To good to wait... And wait.... And be okay with nothing. To good to honestly believe that people's views of me matter. As you knocked me and tried to pull me down to where you lay, God grabbed me and told me "I'll be okay". Nothing changed me, where I'm going changed you. Realizing you could've had it too but you lost focus. I'm still lame tho right? I'll take it. 

Late night poem or maybe just thoughts. Written on my phone in the morning I might polish it up. Might. 

Night

<3 Eb 

7 Years Later

First met in a club he said "hey" our eyes locked for a quick second and my heart skipped plenty of beats.... I was 16. Two years later we became involved, on and off for years. Between my boyfriends and his "friends" we could never get enough of one another. Always my person to lean on, cuddle, hold me when I cried and even held my hair when I threw up. Physically beating people up for me, like my knight and shinning armor. Whenever I was hurt he felt it, and he didn't like feeling it. My heart aches when his does, my bones hurt knowing about the atmosphere he's in and my mind races on the weekends when trouble would stir. But yet I couldn't get enough of him. Seven years later, the fights, arguments, calls, and tears was no match for the happiness that happened when he smiled at me. Something genuine about his smile, him being able to sleep when I'm around him, something personal and loving. We love hard and for seven years we loved to the best we knew how. Never official but to those close to us we were. But seven years later, I have to let it go. The thought of us, the wondering can I go another seven years without being official? Without knowing forsure that he wants me and wants the world to see? Or should I just be complacent? Okay with the thought and nothing after that? I'm not okay with it. Moving was for many things and the number one thing was to further my career. Number two was to escape the reality that the one my heart beats for will never feel the same, seven years later I'm ready to heal and close that door. Who knows how I will react if he calls or texts. I'm only human. What I do know is that I love myself more than ever and by looking at a man who took me to dinner a couple nights ago; seeing the look in his eyes. I knew then that there are people who appreciate what I have to offer and who want what I can give. Its a process, a long process one that takes time and understanding and a clear mind to make certain decisions. It wasn't overnight, but I've been weeding myself off of him for three years. I had a few strings still attached three major ones! I've officially cut those four months ago. Feeling wanted and loved and appreciated is what people look for and desire. We all deserve it. Whether you know it right away, or seven years later; what's important is that we love ourself enough to say "enough". Yes my heart aches at the thought of an informal "goodbye" but my heart smiles at my ability to allow myself healing. Seven years later I say goodbye to you and hello to me.