Humble

There's something about Gwen Stefani's "Baby Don't Lie" that gets me into a trance. I zone out and feel the music and fall in love with the lyrics. Or I watch the music video and admire her style, her spirit, her groove all of which are free. There is something about Stefani that tells me it's okay to be myself.

That's music, that's what real music does for someone it feeds the soul, it speaks to you. Whether I playing Gwen Stefani, or NWA or Merna, Anthony Hamilton, Mr. Probz,  India Arie, Leela James, J.Cole,  Jhene Aiko....I can go on for days about great musicians that make me think and soothe my lyrical mind with their words of eloquence.

I supposed that's why I love being in radio so much. I love hearing new songs, and albums before they hit the airwaves. Hearing new talent that's trying to break into the game, and seeing their heart and dedication is lovely. I love making a connection with the music and the artists, because as an artist myself, we can appreciate other creative minds.

I will keep this one short, I've been very inspired with my posts as of late. As I sit in the studio Sam Smith Stay is now beginning to play. I'm touched yet again by another persons ability to release their soul into song. I thank God for where I'm at. Many times through out the day where I just sit, watch and appreciate all those around me; it excites me.

He didn't have to bless me, but he did because he believes in me. I try not to get emotional but with a God as great as he is, how can I not? I sing to the rooftops, I dance as hard as I can and I pray on my knees with my whole heart. I refuse to let this go to waste, I came to far, experienced to much and I'm meeting to many great minds to not make something of this experience. I'm humble... I'm grateful... I'm inspired, thank you Lord.

Personal- Ebony Williams

Move...sway.... once to the left and then backwards
maybe you thought I would say right.....or maybe should say right

but the way my personal....my personal being goes.....it allows me to go in every direction but right

Eyes closed,... head back... neck rolled...popped back
relaxation seems to escape my body, it's all around me except where it should be
let me stop that's to personal, my thoughts should be my own.

People
Express
Reasons for
Seduction
Of
Nothing less
And or more for
Life

We face challenges every day and some fear to head in the right direction.
.that right direction makes you face those fears
but instead we would rather live in fear...
be feared ......
love fear..
caress fear with it's wicked intentions and seductions of the left path

whats the point on going right when left feels so..........good? It's simple...

People
Escape
Reality
Simply for
Ones own
Neglectful
Art for
Leaving life and entering in a world of fiction

P.E.R.S.O.N.A.L

Life is all around us
 it soothes us it makes us move and want and needs things or people.
The sky changes colors, sun sets and rises and clouds make noises an art that's easy to escape to.
That problem that was knocking so ferociously on your door is drowned
out
by the colors that dance below Gods feet and above our heads.

Why face those fears of reality, when escaping into life's art is staring you in the face?
So beautiful, peaceful and untouchable.

Maybe it's my own

Persona that's
Erupting inside me
Reaching my boiling point
So
Only
Negative thoughts
And
Language cannot escape....but yet they want out...

P.E.R.S.O.N.A.L

Holding onto the pain is easier than releasing it.
When you release it people want to come in and fix it.
As I sit in the dark, corner of the room
and allow my mind to race and thoughts to find it's own place, I
breathe so slow.
I inhale and exhale with purpose,
cherishing every moment God has placed in my life.
Revealing that

Personal.. my personal
Escapes
Relieving myself
Sooner than
One would ever think
Never to leave my thoughts unattended
After all it is my
Life, so I do what I want with my personal as I wish...

P.E.R.S.O.N.A.L

cherish it, hide it, tuck it away or share it...
who's to tell me that I'm to personal? I'm not among the:

People who
Escape
Reality because of
Someones harsh words and
Obliviousness to the
Nature around us, after all my
Life is no ones but mine...

P.E.R.S.O.N.A.L

- Ebony Williams

This sums up how I felt about the Aaliyah movie...

Emotionally Unavailable

Throughout the years, I've mastered the art of being emotionally unavailable.  Growing up fictitious forms of happiness was all around me. I knew at an early age that people, even those who "love you" will lie to you. Accepting that damaging fate brought on relationships that welcomed the lies, which turned into cheating and then lastly beatings. Why? Well to me this is a form of love, at each step in my life this is what I received and what I was used to; I was oblivious to what happiness and life truly was about.  I was miserable, my poetry cried and bled my tears with each word I wrote. My motivation for sports and participating went down the drain. I grew angry and violent and NOT a SINGLE SOUL asked "What was wrong?" No one cared, so I spiraled out of control.

As I began to grow, I realized that I was unwilling to accept the things that I allowed to happen. I decided that the lies were something I didn't have to put up with or deserve, I'm very good at spotting a lie and calling it how I see it, hence why many friendships didn't last long. I then grew into someone who would cut another person off based on one lie. To me now lying, was something I had no tolerance for. Good in that is I was able to weed out certain people, the bad in that is I was aiding my feelings of being emotionally unavailable, I then started to not care about those around me. 

I met guys, laughed and walked my own path. The good ones who came around and really tried to show me something different, but I figured they wanted something from me. Isn't that what we do? When we've been hurt enough we figure someone, almost everyone has a devious motive?  (reality check, not true). Now as I'm 25 in a few short months will turn 26, I see a new light. Discussing things with my girlfriends I see that we all are on this path of enlightenment. I see that each of the fabulous ladies has something to learn from me and I from them. As I grow I truly love them and allowed them to see my emotional side because I trust in them.They give me my reality check, which is why I love them so much. They tell me, in their own way about my inability to showcase emotions and how damaging that is to me.

I know that in order to reach that next platform in my life I need to let that emotional barrier down. As I writer, I can showcase my emotions through my characters, I live within the pages that I write, it brings me to life. A life that I was scared and turned away from because of emotion.  I am, however, comfortable in writing this because 1. I'm not afraid life is what you make it and I refuse to let this control me and 2.I have broken that barrier. I can tell someone who should be important to me that I love them, and not cringe or want to swallow bleach after I say it. I can talk to guys and allow myself to feel something despite the previous endeavors. But most importantly I can be myself and I have no cares in the world about what anyone has to say about it. Now take note, I'm still a hater of lies and the ones who tell them. I'm now willing to hear the reasoning behind it before the scissors take place.

After all what is life but one that is yours? It may be a mess, but it's my mess that I'm proudly cleaning up :)

Personal Touch

As I'm in the studio waiting to do my next break, "Human" by Christina Perri begins to play. I'm the type of person who doesn't like to showcase the bad in my life. I tend to hold onto many things, mainly because I feel the less people know the better and lets face it, thinking happiness makes you live longer and sleep easier.

This move from Alaska to Texas still hasn't hit me yet, and I've almost been here a month. I feel as if one day, at a random point in time whether I'm shopping or driving to Houston on the weekend I feel my reality will hit me. I feel as if I will finally understand that I 'm one step closer to achieving all things I aspire to be. I will then finally realize that out of the 200+ rejections I've come encountered with (whether it be books submissions or job applications) 1 believed in me; and you only need 1.

I've come to Texas with no ties, no pain, no regrets a clean slate. At 25 my life started in the beginning of October when I first stepped foot on the airplane. I realized that my "friends"  I accumulated before leaving were temporary, mainly by their actions and my unwillingness to let people mooch off me I'm at a stage in my life where I'm 100% happy with myself, how I look, how I act, my freckles on my face and neck, how my corny and quirkiness come into play at random times. I fully love me with all my flaws and all my mistakes.

Just for a personal touch, I've been secluded, in isolation to finish my writing projects. I don't even own a television that's how focused I am. Moving here feels more like home than any other state I've ever lived in or visited. There's creative people all around me, people who are my age and have GOALS and working to achieve them. People younger than me who have major aspirations! People I'm surrounding myself with aren't okay with the bare minimum life has to offer. They wont accept mediocre, they want the best. It's refreshing to see people my age have a goal and will not accept NO for an answer;where I"m from I'm not used to such driven people and it's contagious.

Maybe the day of realization is now..... Maybe I'm in a place now in the studio as I play Fegire LA Love (la La) that I realize this door that Candy 95 has opened, can never be shut. I can feel in my heart the other opportunities that are waiting for me....


Yeah... Today is my day of reality.