Glasses Off

As I was faced with a difficult decision last week,

 I've come to terms with realizing that it was for the best. 

That's what I want this blog to sound like. All professional and correct, but in reality here's the truth.

When you let that shit go, watch God work! 

Can I use a cuss-word and God in the same sentence? Oh well, he says come as you are and he KNOWS exactly who I am. This odd little being that he created and continues to love, support and bless. God is the real MVP in my life, then it's my dad.... hi dad.. love you :)

Anyways! Back on subject! 

One thing I realized when deciding whether or not I wanted to stay in something or leave it. Is what happens in the moments after you left something that isn't good for you. When you're finally able to tap into this new reality... the real reality... YOUR reality of what's truly going on around you. When you take those GLASSES OFF, you'll be surprised to see what's been standing around you this entire time.

I knew that God was trying to move me in a certain direction. I felt it, but after being faced with some hard struggles I had some tough decisions to make, take the high road or the hard road. I chose the latter. The road that would destroy my body for a few months and allow my heart to shatter and be pieced together in the weeks to follow. After making the RIGHT decisions for me, no matter how lonely it would leave me in the moment, it was the best thing I've ever experienced.

Ditch the shades and see the light! 

What I noticed is that it takes a great deal of strength to put yourself first. I was reading this article on how you tend to self-sabotage things all based on your zodiac signs. I'm a Pisces, and for us we tend to self-sabotage by self-sacrifice. Which I'm very guilty of that, I would put my boyfriends needs over mine in any situation. I always thought of the other person. I would do as much as I could and run myself ragged just to please someone else. Hell I had sex with one man for 6 years... I'm a very loyal person, and I know this is a strength and my biggest weakness. 

My life coach said: 

"Ebony, you struggle with a fear of putting you first. 

You  fear that by doing so, You'll disappoint someone because

You won't be able to be there for them..."

 This is a hard fact. 

For me, my strength in loyalty also hurt me because I had on an amazing pair of vintage rose colored glasses. They were one of a kind. I would see people in this light... a light that was so beautiful and it would illuminate their best features and make their ugly parts beautiful. I have a tendency to see people as good, even when they're displaying that they aren't. 

Optimistic stupidity is what I call it. So, for me to take a step forward and put myself first despite the fear of losing someone, it felt so damn good. I have to admit, I feel invincible. While finding this new sense of Ebony, I'm being introduced to those alike... and I have to say, I'm loving this next stage in life.