Cafe HonesTea: Rx Abortion?

You love my writing but I know I can't get anything past you. 

So here's what happened a few months ago that caused me to go silent. 

Make sure to check out Cafe HonesTea in your podcast apps!

Disturbing "God Control" Madonna

Wow.. Guys I'm going to share a few things with you before you watch this video. 

Madonna is no stranger when it comes to how she feels about gun control and gun violence. She voices her opinions and spills her heart out to her millions of followers on her social media platforms. Yesterday, 6.26.19, the legend herself, released an intense, disturbing reality with the music video God Control. I would take the opening message to heart when she warns you about what you're about to see. 

This is your wake up call. Gun violence disproportionately affects children, teenagers and the marginalized in our communities. Honor the victims and demand GUN CONTROL. NOW. Volunteer, stand up, donate, reach out.

— Madonna (@Madonna) June 26, 2019

When it comes to gun control, I believe we all have the right to the second amendment. With that said, having military artillery or assault weapons to protect your "home" is unnecessary. I agree that the high level of guns needs to be controlled. Not saying that you shouldn't be allowed to have a hand gun or shot gun, but why do you need an AK-47 or a machine gun ? IF it's not your career, you don't need those types of weapons.

I understand the corny saying "guns don't kill people, people kill people." yeah.. and without that gun they wouldn't kill someone. If we're honest, most of our law enforcement shouldn't be allowed to carry; but hey, here we are. Guns are in the hands of the wrong people all the time, so how do we fix this.. aside for screaming for gun control? Or is that the only option?

Madonna 's new video "God Control" is a vision of the reality we still don't want to discuss. I get what she was going for & find it very triggering for some & disturbing.. but yet, that's the point.

Madame ❌ is everywhere...............My new album is out now - listen here https://t.co/cwDiAKmsiv pic.twitter.com/N9u4mVTZ7Q

— Madonna (@Madonna) June 14, 2019

Not Broke Not Rich - Tayy Tarantino

Oh, how I LOVE music. I'm in countless studios of major artists, upcoming artists and underground artists so much it's hard for me to keep track of who is doing what. I'm privy to plenty of musicians who are so amazing in their craft, it makes me a little picky when it comes to my rap music. If I'm honest, I've been picky with rap ever since I was introduced to the poetic styles of the east coast, and the smooth music of the west when I was about 7 years-old. I've always been a lyrics girl, I LOVE a good story when it comes to what I'm listening too. I tend to listen to artists who have a poetic nature like, Nas, Rakim, Philly Freeway, Big K.R.I.T, Nipsey Hussle and Talib Kewli to name a few (My list can go on for DAYS.)   

Who am I playing now? 

Three years ago Alaska's own Tayy Tarantino released the album Homecoming which caused a major movement for the Alaskan music scene. So much so that I had to write about it.  

Tarantino released a few projects since that were great! But not as big, different and needed as his most recent album NOT BROKE NOT RICH.  This album is an example as to what growth  means.

If you follow Tarantino on his social media, you get a glimpse of what it's like to be a loving father, dedicated to music, inspired by cultural surrounds all while not missing the big picture....staying true to who you are. 

With each new project, Tarantino displays a new stage of self awareness.  In EACH album, he takes us on a journey of his life by murdering us with lyrics that pierce our hearts and make us bleed reality. With each song it was a roller coaster of emotion and love that you had no choice but to feel and admire. That is why his dedicated fan base is drawn to him. He has a way to reach you, to feed into you and let you in his world. The best part about that, is he's not apologetic for his truth.

3 years later

With NOT BROKE NOT RICH, Tarantino, to no surprise has done it again. This time, his moves are a little more solidified and the risks are higher. He gives you his classic sound, some amazing beats and not to mention a little reggae tone in a few songs. I love the risks creatives take when it comes to their work. Trying something new is a hit or a miss and by dabbling into that reggae sound, it was a hit.

Being an Alaskan native myself, opening the album with  Not Broke Not Rich you get sucked into this hypnotizing sound with poetic lyrics of the reality of being in the middle of life. There's more to it than money. There's more to dreams than cars and throwing your money away at the club. There's levels to this shit.. there's levels to life, and Tarantino brings you in slowly to his 13 track album as to what that is. 

My favorite song: 2am in Anchorage 

When it comes to his music, it's hard for me to pick a favorite song. But 2am in Anchorage did what artists want their work to do to you... It made ME FEEL something. It made me miss the Last Frontier. 2am's in Anchorage (in summer) is bright and peaceful. When I was younger, 2am's were usually filled with my friends and I leaving the club heading to Denny's. Keeping the party going with feel good music to end the night perfectly. The reminiscent of ending a perfect night and placing it in the "middle"  of the  album IS genius.

It's always a little difficult for me to write about his music because I don't want to give to much of the art away. I can go into detail of every song, every beat, the album cover and my opinions. The best way to describe this piece of art, is ....refreshing. I'm happy to see a project dispel so much heart, time, dedication, thought, love and it's long overdue. Being a Tarantino fan for a decade or so now, I've witnessed his growth. And you can too if you check him out on YouTube and social. It's amazing to see what we go through and how we channel that into something pure.

NOT BROKE NOT RICH tells a story of life, expectations, wants, desires and dreams.  Available now on all major outlets, trust me, and bless your LIFE with this piece of art by Tayy Tarantino.

Check out more here www.tayytarantino.com

Glasses Off

As I was faced with a difficult decision last week,

 I've come to terms with realizing that it was for the best. 

That's what I want this blog to sound like. All professional and correct, but in reality here's the truth.

When you let that shit go, watch God work! 

Can I use a cuss-word and God in the same sentence? Oh well, he says come as you are and he KNOWS exactly who I am. This odd little being that he created and continues to love, support and bless. God is the real MVP in my life, then it's my dad.... hi dad.. love you :)

Anyways! Back on subject! 

One thing I realized when deciding whether or not I wanted to stay in something or leave it. Is what happens in the moments after you left something that isn't good for you. When you're finally able to tap into this new reality... the real reality... YOUR reality of what's truly going on around you. When you take those GLASSES OFF, you'll be surprised to see what's been standing around you this entire time.

I knew that God was trying to move me in a certain direction. I felt it, but after being faced with some hard struggles I had some tough decisions to make, take the high road or the hard road. I chose the latter. The road that would destroy my body for a few months and allow my heart to shatter and be pieced together in the weeks to follow. After making the RIGHT decisions for me, no matter how lonely it would leave me in the moment, it was the best thing I've ever experienced.

Ditch the shades and see the light! 

What I noticed is that it takes a great deal of strength to put yourself first. I was reading this article on how you tend to self-sabotage things all based on your zodiac signs. I'm a Pisces, and for us we tend to self-sabotage by self-sacrifice. Which I'm very guilty of that, I would put my boyfriends needs over mine in any situation. I always thought of the other person. I would do as much as I could and run myself ragged just to please someone else. Hell I had sex with one man for 6 years... I'm a very loyal person, and I know this is a strength and my biggest weakness. 

My life coach said: 

"Ebony, you struggle with a fear of putting you first. 

You  fear that by doing so, You'll disappoint someone because

You won't be able to be there for them..."

 This is a hard fact. 

For me, my strength in loyalty also hurt me because I had on an amazing pair of vintage rose colored glasses. They were one of a kind. I would see people in this light... a light that was so beautiful and it would illuminate their best features and make their ugly parts beautiful. I have a tendency to see people as good, even when they're displaying that they aren't. 

Optimistic stupidity is what I call it. So, for me to take a step forward and put myself first despite the fear of losing someone, it felt so damn good. I have to admit, I feel invincible. While finding this new sense of Ebony, I'm being introduced to those alike... and I have to say, I'm loving this next stage in life. 

Poem: RU-486

Staring at the fan, while I lay on the floor.
  Nothing but bottoms on and sweat everywhere.
The gripping pain that beats from within.
 As the stains fill my feminine napkin.
I can't help but think that the beats were yours.
After all, you did survive a red waterfall and a small pill.

 Getting the notice that you were there was shocking enough.
Damn, I thought to myself, this little thing is tough.
 Still faced with a decision alongside the suitor
Conjuring up the plan and idea that father time wasn't on our side.

So I can get a better understanding, I went to a building the next day.
Cold, dirty, smelled funny I must say.
 Saw no white coat, or sport jacketed man.
Just a cold instrument placed inside me along with a hand.

 5 weeks of wonder and no surprise it wasn't me but you.
Saw the evidence of your existence, something I'll never be able to undo.
 A torture I now have to live with is that, that was as big as you were gonna get.
Taken into another room, two minutes prior was the last time I would see you.

The next day, I pulled in the driveway and immediately felt regret.
 I ran to the bathroom and tried to shower.
No amount of hot water could wash away the shit that would happen next.
 This is all my fault, I gave myself the blame.

Oh how I desperately wanted you to survive.
 Just one more time, I whispered to you.
Surprise me.. you've done it before.
 As I squeeze my stomach and lay on the floor.

I tried to put clothes on but the pain was so strong.
 Clots passed..One every other minute had me keeling over in pain.
I screamed to the Father asking him to ease me and take it away.
 But I knew, this was something I had to go through.

I remember the sight of blackness, three times around.
 The sound of my walls shedding as a pool of red sits beneath me.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Oh how I wanted you to fight.
 But I'm a team player despite what I desire inside.

 Over two hours of pain... I can't begin to explain.
I was so weak, my body kept me on the floor so I could sleep.
 Almost a week later since you made your departure.
I'm still reminded of you, the traces of you as the waterfall continues.

Shame, guilt, hate, anger. Everything is what I feel for myself.
 Unworthy of breathing is what comes across my mind.
A spirit worth killing is what I feel deep inside.
 A spirit that is mine since I already lost yours.

As for you....I can't even tell you how I feel.
 I can't even look at you or stand your smell.
In the stages of anger, I've been through the first 4.
 Hoping this is the last one and I'll feel no more.

I wonder if I'll shake this....
  I'm not sure if I can...
Maybe I should delete your sonogram?
 Toss the four tests that I keep in my purse.
Not like it'll bring you back and allow you to walk on this earth.

A sense of emptiness has hit me ever since that day.
 Useless is how I feel, and I can't seem to pray it away.
I have so many words, but they don't make sense.
 How I'm able to write this now, I still don't understand.

<3 Ebony