Positive

We know to be nice to others or do unto others as you want done unto you. Being nice seems overrated seeing how most of the world is just a pit full of backstabbery (yes I made that word up). So you might be thinking what's the point on being nice when no one is nice to me? Or whats the point on being positive when I'm basically Murphy's Law in the flesh. Well my little grasshoppers, here's why I think being positive is one of the most important things to be in your life.

When you speak negativity, whether it be about others or yourself, that will actually come out as an action towards you. Being negative is like a second job. It's exhausting, takes a toll on your body and changes your heart.  When you're negative all things negative will come to you. I remember my pastor saying "when you speak bad, it processes through your brain, then through your mouth and finds a way to meditate to your heart." Letting negativity into your heart will cloud your mind on all the good that is supposed to come your way.

Another thing to think about is, how being negative can effect your personal life. No one wants a Debbie Downer in the circle. No woman or man wants someone who's negative and brings that mood around them. Real friends and ones who are prospering to do great things don't hang out with those who focus on what's going wrong.  We can get doubtful at times that's normal. Optimism has to be one of the newest things I've learned to accept and actually try out.

When things hit the fan for me, I couldn't see light at the end of the tunnel. All I could see was stuff not happening, getting shot down when I was trying to get out of my current situation. Everywhere I turned was a NO and every person I talked to stopped me dead in my tracks. It's easy to turn negative, to doubt yourself when nothing is going right and you can't see light.

I prayed one night, and I had everything lifted on my chest when I asked God "Why can't I get a yes?"  He responded "You have to see the good in the things I deny you. It's for a reason" I stopped questioning after that. I started to focus on my craft more, making my attitude positive and helping others. I became distracted with changing for the better because I wanted to. I became oblivious to the blessings I was receiving. I stopped doubting God, I stopped seeing things through my eyes and getting frustrated when I was shut down. I've slowly come to terms with understanding there is glory in the no's I received, that's because God has something even better for me.

So when you're negative, and you can't see a way out. When nothings going right and doors are shutting in your face. Just try to understand that there is a door that's already open, you have to keep trying until you find it. Being negative will only cloud that door form being seen. Negativity will bring you to a new path that might seem right but in reality it isn't.  So switch up that attitude and see where it lands you.

Grammys 2014

Last nights Grammys has to be one of the best ones I've seen Check out the performances below. If you want to see who won what click HERE 


Beyonce and Jay Z reminded us why they make the big bucks

Lorde is awesome because she reminds me of Wednesday from Adams Family except with an awesome singing voice

 Taylor Swift was pretty amazing actually 

 Pink reminded us why we need to stay in shape

Katy Perry and Juicy J were awesome loved the set 

Imagine Dragons and Kendrick Lamar stole the show

Hunter Hayes gave a great performance! Kids listen up!

Pharrell Williams ad Stevie Wonder was pure fun 

Carol King and Sara Bareilles gave me goosebumps

Metallica and Lang Lang made me smile!!

Keith Urban and Gary Clark calmed the mood <3

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Robin Thicke and Chicago... need I say more???

Macklemore and Ryan Lewis made us cry! 

Miranda Lambert and Joe Armstrong

 Kacy Musgraves made me laugh lol shes adorable too 

Country at it's best :)

Paul McCartney and Ringo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Black Grammys - Wale, J Cole, Meek Mill, Rockie Fresh

Check it out :)

Quiet Time

Loud thoughts, unstoppable doubt and confusion! Can someone hit a switch to turn off our brains sometimes! That precious moment of quietness can be wonders for us. That moment when nothing seems to be going right, or that day when everyone is testing you, even that time you look in the mirror and start picking at the things you want to change. Those moments are when we need to put ourselves in time out.

Quiet time!

This morning was GREAT and in a matter of well five minutes I was as irritated as ever. I'm glad now that when I get this way I know to pray immediately. This is something I've been working hard on because of my mild anger problem when people are stuck on stupid. I prayed and decided to make this morning a good day and ignore the ignorance.

Quiet time isn't just for kids it's for adults too. It allows us to gather those thoughts that seem jumbled when we're going 100mph. Take a min to breathe! If you feel like you're to busy to take a minute for yourself. take a bathroom break, go outside and get it together. Don't bug out to much to where you can't find time for YOU. You are the only one taking care of what you need to do. So when things are busy, when life is crazy, when people just piss you off just by opening their mouth, go sit somewhere and take a time out. No phone, computer, tablet NOTHING just take a minute or two to regroup. You'll feel a lot better. 

MESSAGE: Being Private in the Public

My dad took this photo of me when we had a mini photo shoot. I love it because it resembles so many things. The meaning behind this photo breaks me down to my bare essentials. During this shoot I was at my loneliest part in my life. Many people don't know this, but when I first got on Television I was a weather girl for FOX NEWS. I was 18 years old at the time and  I lost ALL of my friends. I was called a "ho" because apparently I slept with my female manager to get the position. I was cut off from my friends because I was progressing and they were pregnant. I was talked about from the ones closest to me and doubted by my own flesh in blood saying "I will never be something big, I'm just a pretty face." I got into countless physical fights with females because I was "doing the most". When out people would "accidentally" spill things on me and laugh it off. 

Surprised? 

So there I am, in this photo at 19 years old and broken because I was blessed with the chance to better my life and I decided to take that step. Being in the public it's hard to decipher what to keep private. In many ways a private life really doesn't exist because we have to have so many things on display. Pictures, videos, personality, nightlife etc. Everything is captured through a lens when you have a career that's in the public eye. 

Having feelings of out-lash and emotion can happen behind closed doors where it's recommended. But let those feelings come out in public and all of a sudden "you lost your mind".  When you sign up for a career in the public eye get ready for all the backlash, rumors, drama, false friends and loneliness all while you have to keep busy and a smile on your face.  It's a give an take when taking on a career that involves being public which is why they say it's not for everyone. It might look easy but it takes real strength to keep it going. It's something you can't hide from, but you have to know the difference in what should be public and what's private. 

That's why I love being an author. The ability I have to tell stories allows me to release things in a fictional way that's actually helping me in reality. I love this blog because it's a mix of all things I love. I get to post about music since being a radio personality that is important. I get to write about whatever is on my heart because I'm a woman and writing about emotions is soothing. I also get to write about subject matters people ask me questions about, which typically has "MESSAGE" before my blog title like today's posting. Being private in the public seems hard and for those who are new in it, it can break you down. All I have to say is if you don't have something to keep you grounded and at peace you will go crazy.

So for the one who wants to remain anonymous by sending me a message, don't stop what you're doing. Don't let those who curse your name have a hold in your life or a place in your heart. I prayed for all of them and asked God to forgive them while healing me. I look back and smile because those YEARS of pain caused me to publish two books with three ready to publish, be on television at 18 years old for 3 years then jump right into radio, becoming a model to where photogs from Alaska and the lower 48 want to work with me, being asked to emcee many events in town and get invites from out of state and a few other things I won't share just yet :-D. 

Everyone's journey is different, this obviously is mine SO FAR that I know many can relate too. I've learned that you have to find a balance and that outlet my friend Marlon taught me that. Believe in yourself and trust in God that it will happen and everything will be okay. 

<3- Ebony 

Emotional Thinker

Okay time for another honesty hour. This morning started out great for me despite my mind over thinking things like usual and the lack of sleep because I kept checking my phone. I woke up from what seemed like a nap and had a good outlook on today. Then it got a little weird when I started to get ready for work. Those thoughts that I had heavy on my brain carried over into the morning. Now here I am trying to do my hair and put on clothes when I stop and sit down and start to think about these damn distractions.

When I start to over think especially when it's something that drives some emotion out of me the outcomes are never pretty.My heart starts to hurt at the mere thought of being ignored when I'm trying to find something out. My brain is like a race track and my thoughts are fighting to see who will be dealt with first. And forget about my attitude! Because that bad boy shoots up and down when trying to find my sanity!

When you're an emotional thinker, you tend to take things to a different level and you can't see clear because well you're blinded by hurt and emotion to see or hear reality. That my friends is the state of mind I found myself in this morning. When I calmed down, I can hear things and see somethings and I realize that the person I was upset about wasn't really worth the time at all. Wasn't really worth losing sleep over, or to even contact. Here's why because you are in charge of your day; and I'd be damned to let someone who obviously doesn't care ruin it.

Gather your emotional thoughts before you start to think about a situation. It's very tough but in the end you will see what's real and what isn't. You will be able to gain control over yourself and have a strength to push forward unlike before. Always remember just because you might care about someone or something doesn't mean that thing or person cares about you. It might suck to hear that but at least you know and are in control of what you put out whether it be emotion, time or so on. So just breathe my fellow emotional thinkers, today will be a good day.

I Probably Wont Respond If....

Facebook, Twitter and Instagram all have opened a portal for people to try and holla at ya! I get a lot of requests via Facebook, thanks to Instagrams direct pic messages I receive some interesting things also the random @ tweets via twitter a majority of the time  I will not respond to certain people.

 I finally decided to check out my Facebook inbox. So here we go! For starters, I'm not a mother so calling me "ma" or "mama" will just make me give an eye roll and close the message. If you want to try and sweet talk me by calling me "baby girl"  it wont work. Then the one I always get that makes me laugh  "HEY SEXI! GUH YOU LOOK DAMN FINE!" When I get messages that are horribly misspelled and in caps like you're yelling at me, I just go ahead and delete it and will probably unfriend you. Why? I'M A WRITER! So receiving something that is horribly misspelled because it "looks cool" makes my IQ drop a few points just by reading the message.  I also love the messages when I don't reply and get the "I'm a ho" and so on, ladies I know you feel me on those responses lol. I have a question, if I were a ho as you claim wouldn't I talk back to your ignorance instead of ignore the foul illiterate conversation you are determined to have? Just wondering......

THE THIRST IS REAL! Not just on the behalf of some men but also for women! I've seen text messages, comments and also messages via social networking that my guy friends show me and it's just horrible! It makes me laugh to see people really trying THAT hard to get a number or a response. The audacity that some people have even when that person is married or committed  makes my stomach turn. But hey! You know what they say a new age relationship consists of  " A couple, an ex who keeps trying to talk to you, a best friend who wants it to fail, and a groupie that's also one step behind".

 If your name is "Big Swagger" who works at "in the streetz" and went to school at "Hard knocks" I'm sure when I see you message me it won't be opened. I'm not snobby or cocky I'm just confident in myself as a woman and I know my worth and what I deserve. Like most women who just laugh at those messages we receive it's not to be a "bitch" or to be rude it's out of pure amusement to us that some people actually think that works on all women. To some girls who are easy yes that works and you can spot those girls out a mile away! The ones  who can't spell in statuses because they think it's cute and the ones who are half naked and have the side chick tag lines on every picture on Instagram. Now THOSE girls are the ones who will respond and most likely hit you up in a couple minutes because that need for a males attention is so important.

So not only do I not respond because you probably are sending a message that lowers my IQ. But I also don't respond because  I use Facebook as a site of promotion for me and my talents.  I NETWORK which is what's it's supposed to be used for. If I wanted a hook up I'm sure I would go no another site or just go in my phone and pick who I want.

With that said... Have a fantastic Friday ;)

Change

Time doesn't slow down for anyone. We all wish for it to slow down or reverse itself. We want just an hour back to prevent us from sending that embarrassing text message. We want a few minutes left to spend with the people we care about and for the love of humanity we want more sleep!

Since it's obvious that we can't control the clock or stop time, change in inevitable. So with that being said, since we can't stop time or stop change, why change for the wrong reasons? I watch people switch it up for others or a job not because it's what their heart desires but because someone else wants them too. If you want to get your nails done, buy a new outfit, take your presentation in a way you see fit or whatever else you can think of; why do it for the pleasure of others and not you? 

When taking my friends little sister shopping, a young girl said "Tim likes red so I'm gonna get this skirt! He will notice me and my legs" her friend replied "but you hate red.." The girl turned around and said "No I love red.... for Tim". First off she's maybe in middle school so she needs to have a seat. Walking past the group of tweens And going into another store I heard the same talk from women my age. I even heard a guy in GNC the other day talking about bulking up to make his ex jealous. So with that, I've come to the conclusion it doesn't matter what age or gender we are; we have a  desire to be noticed.

So if you desire to change why not do it for you instead of changing for someone else? Why not change in the direction that can bring people to love you for you whether it be friends or love or whatever instead of being noticed? We have lots of television shows that showcase that person doing drastic stuff to get noticed by their boss, family or eye candy. It's the new norm for some people to change for others and not because it's best for them. It's normal to be someone you're not to fit in instead of who you are and be alone. Let's face it no one wants to be alone right?

I was told to change many things about me. From when I was on television to my writing style or my radio delivery. I was told by many people to change this and that and THEN I will be where I want to be, but I refuse. I'm where I am because of who I am. I'm all for improvement and changing in that way that will benefit me, but becoming someone else is out of the question. I'm 24 almost 25, and my resume is impressive and extensive all because  believing that I don't need that superficial change to make me bigger or better. I don't need to change to be like someone else in order to get to where I will be, God has that all worked out for me I just have to wait and continue to hustle hard. 

Time and change are great! When it comes to growing and changing into a better person. Change sucks when someone is trying to take away who you are to satisfy them. So think about it, are you changing for you?

Rushing

I'm guilty and I know I'm not the only one when it comes to rushing. Wether it be for a job hunt or a date etc you get where I'm going with this. I'm guilty of being so in love with the thought of love I over think things... A LOT. 

I've come to the realization through many things, people watching, and personal experiences that rushing is a huge mistake! You might say "duh" or "no shit" but in reality we do this many times some of us do it every day. 

Why rush something you want to last awhile? Why eat your food scortching hot when it tastes better cooled down? Why rush on a test when you can take your time and get an A? Why rush driving to work when you can get into an accident? And of course why rush into finding love?

I'm  the type of person who knows what I want and will stop at nothing until I get it. Problem is I have an issue when knowing when to apply that go getter attitude verses when I need to chill out. If I'm interested in someone (which is rare) I would focus on them and slowly shift where my focus should stay at to where they are. I'm glad to say I caught myself and I've turned my boat to the right course. So I will admit,  I tend to rush and want what I know I want instead of coolin out. 

I was talking to my girl Ty when I realized I know what I need to do.  I know what I have to do its right in my brain but yet I chose to ignore it for my bodily desires. Why am I rushing something when I want it to last? Why am I rushing something when I'm not done getting my "playtime" out the way? Why am I rushing something when my focus needs to be on my craft so I can succeed? And why am I trippin over nothing? After talking with her, I realized I need to enjoy what I'm experiencing. I need to enjoy what my life is offering and the places I'm about to go. I need to enjoy myself and keep getting to know me before I can share it and expect someone to love it.

Yes I'm emotional and crazy about those chick flicks and romantic movies. Yes I love the thought of walking on a beach at sunset and talking all night. Yes I desire waking up next to someone who wants me just as much as I want them. And yes I know that when rushing you can never know someone as deeply as you want to. 

I have my whole life to find all that and be smitten and totally swept off my feet. What I don't have is time to waste with my job and my craft. Those things need to be handled in a certain time period aka "you're moment" and this is my moment. 

So don't burn your tongue eating hot food. Don't fail a test when you need to study and get an A instead. And most importantly don't rush those feelings instead enjoy this phase and let it take its course and if it doesn't work out, then know it was never meant to be anyway ;). For my control freaks out there it's a lesson you will learn and understand with experience. 

Missed the People's Choice Awards?

If you're like me you missed the People's Choice Awards last night! But don't worry click the pic to see a full list of winners :)

And if you want to see video highlights well just click on the pic below :)

Be Someones Blessing

When we think of blessings what comes to mind? Health? Fancy cars or houses? Money? etc. Most of us would think money because ultimately that's what we're after in this superficial world. We seek more green to satisfy our kids, friends, employees and our-self of course.  So second question how can you be someones blessings? Third question what can you do or have you done to be someones blessing?

You don't have to hand out tons of money to be considered a blessing. Just by asking someone "hows your day?" or sending a text saying "I'm thinking about you" or "have a great day". Or even speaking with someone who looks like they aren't doing to well. Those little forms of communication can bless those in the deepest ways more than money ever could. How? well just the thought of having someone care about how we are, satisfies us in ways we don't think about.  Have you had a day that was total pandemonium? Nothing was going right and people were working your last nerve?  Now imagine someone sending you a text saying "thinking about you" or "how are you?"  or sending you a scripture randomly like my friend Ariana does to me. Those types of things open us up and lightens our hearts a little because we're reminded that no matter the stresses someone cares about us.

I was at Chevron yesterday when I heard a homeless man ask for something simple, a cup of coffee or a dollar. He asked about four people who ignored him, looked at their phones as if they didn't hear this request or were just flat out rude to the man. He looked down and you can tell he's been through a lot. He came over to me and smiled, he said "Excuse me Ms? May I have a dollar so I can get some coffee?" I looked at him and smiled, noticed that everyone who turned him down was watching in disgust. I said "I'm sorry I don't have a dollar" he looked sad and smiled and was going to walk away "but I do have ten dollars" he looked at me and smile and said "May God Bless you!" He went inside past all those people, and actually bought water, coffee and a sandwich and some other needs with the ten dollars I provided.

I don't have money to give away and I actually needed that ten bucks, but I could tell he needed it more. So I prayed on the ten bucks and God told me to "Bless him" so I did. For the first time in giving, I felt great about it, a spirit was in me that lifted all this physical pain I'd been carrying for a couple months now. God will speak to you in real situations and you will know when to say "hi" or just strike a conversation with a stranger who looks lonely, or to help someone in need. With people now a days that  like to trick you and use money for bad things it's hard to want to give so you have to be cautious and smart. Pray on it and God will let you know.

So send that random text if a thought of someone crosses your mind. Smile at someone who looks upset or sad. If you can help someone  who is in need, don't contemplate on whether or not to do it, just do it. Be someones blessing you have no idea what your random act of happiness can or will do for someone.

Lady Reality Check

I'm an unintentional air hustler aka I listen to peoples conversation unintentionally. When I'm in the waiting room and there is no sound on the television, or in the nail salon solo trying to relax and there's two females next to me loud as can be, or when I'm shopping and hear someone complain about how "fat" they are I will most likely hear it and be paying attention.

I was sitting getting a pedicure and this one lady said "Maybe I need to change things, I feel as if I'm not worthy of him " Now ladies this sparks my posting for today. I used to feel that way, like I'm "not good enough" or "not worthy" of a certain man because he wasn't biting the hook I threw out. She then went on to say that she texts or calls and at times he responds and at other times he doesn't. Going into detail with her friend she said " What can I do to make him want me?" Ahhhhhh  I hear that a lot especially form MY friends!

Here's one thing I know for sure, you can't make a man WANT you. A man either does or doesn't it's so simple ladies and it's not rocket science. You can't trick a man into loving you, bombard him into wanting you and so on. If he is interested trust me you will know.  If you have to ask yourself  questions like "am I good enough?" or contemplating on what to change then the answers are NO and STOP IT! Now hear me out on why. You're doubting yourself, you have already put yourself down and at a level that no one wants. You have defeated yourself and are trying to change YOU to try and complete someone else.  No real man wants a push over a woman who isn't about a damn thing and most importantly someone who is weak and interchangeable.

If that man you look at doesn't want you or give back stop looking at yourself in the mirror and blaming what you see. Instead realize it's just because you aren't the type or one for him. Now I know most of you think you are the type for everyone and sorry to pop that bubble but you're not. So if he doesn't text back, or call, want to hang or anything else on a romantic level that's fine. Keep working on you until God gives you that guy who wants to do all those things. When you stop looking, chasing or pushing however you want to call it GOOD men will pop up! Trust me I'm there now ;).

 If you come across those guys who just want to have sex while you're in the mist of finding that "love" stop being upset about it! You're sexy and have a VAGINA! Men are going to want to have sex with you! Take that compliment add some more swag to those hips and keep it moving. I have to admit this was my problem I hated being looked at and knowing that guys want to have sex and not a real relationship. Until I realized that being desired shouldn't be upsetting or frowned upon, I look good, I'm smart, I'm motivated and have this desire to do nothing but great and I will allowing nothing or no one to stand in my way. I am strong and I am proud. So ladies if that guy just wants to hit it, know you're one bad motha fuck* and stay happy.

Lastly think about this ladies, are you ready for that good man to come into your life? Can you say you want what he has to offer and what he's willing to do for you? Most importantly are YOU willing to give up the single life? I have a friend who called a good man "gay" for being caring and wanting to know how she is, she  mocks him for being what a man is supposed to be he opens doors, pulls chairs and pays for things etc. She pushed him away and now says "no one wants me" and I look at her like she's crazy and walk away. Will you let a man take care of you? Pay for you? Open those doors and pull out those chairs? Text you and seeing how you are today? Let him be emotional and tell you how he feels for you? It's easy to say YES but MOST of you laugh at that and call them "thirsty" or "lame" or like my girl says "gay". Think about it.

To keep it short,  are you good enough? YES ALWAYS for that one who is WORTHY of YOU (same goes for men). Should you change for that other person? ONLY if that change will benefit you and not just them example: bad anger work on it for YOU and him etc don't change tastes in music or hobbies because that other person hates them that's apart of what makes you, YOU. He just wants to have sex he's a dog! NOT in all cases, he's a man and you have a magical box of awesomeness in between those legs. And lastly  a man will go for what he wants and will blatantly showcase what he doesn't want.

Substance

As I had a conversation with a few people over the weekend we talked about how some people don't excel in their craft. We see many people who claim to be an artist but don't know how to work a studio let alone spit a rhyme. We talked about some people claiming to be an author but have never written anything with substance or meaning with intent to reach people. We vented a little on how television showcases broken families and how women fight over baby daddies instead of uplifting each other or making us laugh. The glorification of teen shows now are reality with teen pregnancy and drug use.

We watch things and read things that are designed to change our mindset and get us hooked and talking the next day. Where is the substance? Where are the women empowerment shows that doesn't involve a smart woman sleeping with a married man? Where are the shows with strong teenage leads that doesn't allow that teenager to have a drug issue or sex issue? Why now do shows have to have these problems for teens to watch? The shows I watched growing up didn't have those issues and yet we were tuned in every week to catch the latest episode. We wanted a relationship like Cory and Topanga finding a boy in high school who loved you and still knew how to be a friend instead of that bad boy who couldn't spell or define what a verb is. I guess that's because we live in a day now where sex is at it's highest and it's true sex sales. Sad part is, it doesn't matter if that sex that's selling is of a teenager or adult.

I heard this young Caucasian girl tell her mom she wants to be like Kat Stacks when I was in the store the other day. The mom had NO IDEA who Kat Stacks was so all she said was "that's nice honey" and pushed the cart to the next isle.  As I went to check out I saw a little girl skimming through the pages of Cosmo because Khloe Kardashian was on the cover.  I stopped and looked around observing people and their kids and actually seeing how out of tuned these parents were with these little kids threw me off. Where's the teaching? Where's the caring about who the hell Kat Stacks is or why a ten year old is reading freaking Cosmo?

I know I'm not the only one who has vented like this or will. I know that there are many petitions to get certain things off air and the content changed in certain television shows. Truth is we can complain all we want but it wont change! Want to know why? It's because OUR reality is what we watch on television. In real life people fight over baby daddies, teens get pregnant, people have drug issues, families are broken, the smart women does in fact at times sleep with men they shouldn't even if they are married and I know a few women who have or are doing this!  Reality television is trash yes, but it's called reality for a reason even if it is scripted because it's either touching on something I've been through, you've been through or that we are going through. So cringe at the thought of another love show with that crazy ass female looking a mess, stop holding your breath for teen pregnancy shows to go off air because it won't, don't get mad when the slut gets the good guy and screws him over,  and accept the fact that Love and Hip Hop probably won't stop until it's reached every hit city in the US.

It's called reality television and it doesn't need substance because in reality a majority of people don't have substance or even know what it is.

Dirty Love

Sooo..... Ke$ha released her new music video, one that she directed herself..... It's called Dirty Love check it out:

WARNING! LOTS OF KE$HA BUTT IS SHOWN ... 

I just wish she would do some squats...