MESSAGE: Company You Keep

People wonder why I stick to myself. In a previous post I wrote about observance and how if I'm out and about just chillin I'm watching others to get characters for my book. In this blog posting I'm going to go a little deeper into the company that I keep.

I was asked why don't I go to certain events, hang out with certain people that I'm cool with and why do I keep mum about certain things in my life.  To answer the first question, I'm a firm believer in watching the company that you keep. I support many people and their endeavors, I respect the hustle of people trying to make it and branch out of Alaska. The reason why I don't attend certain things is because I know the crowd it would draw, and that's not something I'm not willing to be apart of. I don't place myself in positions to where my character is questioned because of those around me.

As far as the second question goes, I hang out with two main people here. When I say hang out, I'm taking about real friendship and conversation, without the worry of it being spread about. I don't mix business with personal, I keep my job my job, my friends my friends, and my family my family. On occasion depending on the friend I will bring them around family, when that's done; I consider them family and not friends.  I don't like getting to close to people I have to do business with on a personal level. If it's all about business than let's keep it professional, we don't need to paint each others nails, talk about our pasts and have a sleep over. I would like to know the basics of doing business with someone, but I don't need to know your mamas name and where she grew up.

Lastly, why do I keep everything so mum. Have you ever wondered why certain celebrities are so happy and others are miserable and  in the tabloids all the time? You have to think of your life in the same way. Letting all that drama out, letting EVERYONE know what's going on with you at ANY given time (thanks Facebook) will only allow the Vulchers who could care less about you to feed off your pain.  When you separate the personal, from business and public everything will have it's own place and you'll be happy with the seperation. Somethings are meant to be personal and kept between two people, not three, four or your family.  I've always been happiest when no one knows my personal life. I don't think it's anyone's business on who I'm with, what we are doing, or who he is.  Why would someone I don't call a friend and is just an associate need to know how long I've been dating someone? Why would my job need to know if him and I are having problems? Why would my family need to know our intimacy?

The company you keep can harm your professional life. I might be cool with Joe Bob, but Joe Bob is into some heavy illegal stuff that everyone knows about. Why would I take a picture with him and post it as if we are best friends? Now what do I look like? I might think Sally is a great girl, but she's known for her promiscuity why would I take a pic with her and post it? Now what do I look like? Many people mean well, but many people aren't doing well. Many people we know are onto great things, that doesn't mean you need to tag along, who knows what they are doing to get there. I can respect your hustle and not get involved because of the crowd you associate with. You might be okay with hanging out with Joe Bob and Sally, but for the path God has me on, I can't be.

The people you plan to work with can and will look into your social life on these networking sites. I'm mindful of what pictures I post and what I'm doing in them. I'm crafting my life in a way that's acceptable by God now, because of that I have to let many things and people go. At times it's lonely but he assures me it's all worth it so I can maintain my focus.

So I mind the company I keep because if I keep those around me who have goals and are pushing towards them, I'm bound to keep on that path. If I hang with those who aren't doing much, eventually I'll become the same thing.  I want to be pushed towards God not driven away.  So PERSONALLY, I'm not willing to be less than what God has in store for me, are you?

MESSAGE Observance

Observing as defined by Webster is to see, watch, perceive or notice.  For me I like to say observing is a hobby. Many people don't understand why I do a lot by myself. Whether it be going to the movies, shopping, eating, getting a drink and so on. "Why would you be alone when you could easily have someone go with you?" I get asked that many times especially when people see me out and about. For me, watching people  in their daily life is an inspiration. Not knowing ones story and just watching their movements or reactions to others is interesting to me. I look at others and get a character made up for one of my books. Whether I look at you and want to use your physical traits, or I hear you speak and use that accent, or I watch you move and throw in your attitude.

I use observing as tool when I have writers block. So when I'm out and about and I look like I'm "mad"  I'm just concentrating on someone who I can relate my character too. Trying to bring my person I write about in my books to life, by making them human; it's easier to relate to. So when you ask me, "why do I do things alone?"  One main reason is because I'm always working even when it seems I'm not, and another reason is at times quiet is best. I work in a very demanding field, and my jobs, writing, school and so on that I have on my plate, always has me interacting with others so I need to be by myself when I can.

I choose to observe, it helps me write and think. It also helps me look at who I am and see my faults. Sometimes we don't see the looks we give people. We are unaware of the tude we give off, when in all honesty we didn't mean to come off that way. Watching how people work and move about, makes me pay attention to my movements. How do I look when I get bumped into by a stranger? What facial expressions am I making that might rub someone the wrong way? What does my body movements say about me when I walk into a room?

You know they say first impressions are everything. Most people don't even know what their impressions are to others before they  speak. So if you're board one day, and just walking about in the mall, just observe the people around you. It's a good way to see if you give off a negative vibe like that guy hanging out on the wall, or if you seem as snotty as that group of girls gossiping by Old Navy or if you're genuinely happy like that grandma is walking with her grand-kids for a family day. I love seeing happy people walk around. The young ones in love with each other and the older couples who still giggle as if they were teenagers. You can see some amazing things when you observe.

So that's why, if you see me out by myself and I'm sitting there phone in hand just watching those around me. Just know ya'll are an inspiration to what comes to life in my books. How else am I going to make my characters seem as if they are your mom, uncle or best friend? :)

Music Crush Monday: Sam Smith

Thanks to my girl Ariana, I am now obsessed with Sam Smith! His EP is available on Itunes and I highly recommend buying it, especially if you love music that makes you feel good.

MESSAGE

If you're sensitive and have expressed so because of the things I choose to write and how; it's wise to not  read further than this sentence.

Expression, emotion, and point of view. The great thing about being blessed with the ability to write is well, being able to write and have a platform to use for expression. I have this "friend" on my Facebook page who is one of the most sensitive females I've ever encountered. Anything I write about, she has an issue with and her responses are always sensitive. Whether  it's about fitness, poor body image, suicide, bullying and so on; she's dramatic and did I mention SENSITIVE? Here's just a little background on her though: she was teased in high school and is obviously going through her own issues when I read her Facebook statuses, so her mindset on me writing about certain issues is too much for her to handle. Note, she is reading this most likely so I can't wait to see the message she sends about this one.

When writing, I will do as I please; because I get paid to do so and  this is MY website. When certain topics come up that I have experience in and I'm asked to write about or to place input on I will, because yet again it's my job and what I enjoy. Also in this blog is celebrity 411, what are they doing, who did what, what they look like and so on. If you don't like it, well it's easy... don't click the article for the day. It's not rocket science to see what my blog postings are about. I put a mini description in the title, as it's supposed to be.

I understand people have their own issues and with today's world, people are extra sensitive to those issues. So if you don't like my title on someones "body image" and you think that it's harsh, that's fine. If you don't like my view on suicide and how I feel about it, that's cool too, don't read my article titled "Suicide". If you get offended by me writing about how all people get mean looks in the gym and not just the ones who are over weight and self conscience; again that's fine. I don't mind conflicting opinions about what I write, as long as it's presented in a respectable way. If you have an issue, express it to me. That's part of what continues education after school is out: conversation among adults where we can learn from each other. But if you can't express in a way that adults do then it will be ignored.

I'm open to what people think and I encourage feedback. What I will NOT put up with is libel from ignorant people who believe wholeheartedly that they have a place in an intellectual debate. They should be on the sidelines taking notes. Reality is, things are harsh and what I write about  doesn't even measure up to the world they have to face when they leave the house. Mainly because what I write isn't harsh by any means. Again, I know they're reading this so I'm trying to be as sensitive as I can to their feelings while expressing mine.

So I say to you.  The one who sits behind the computer with mean intentions and ignorant messages. The one with the smart attitude directed at everything uplifting and expressive. You don't see me judging you for the incorrect posts you display when re-posting something from Wikipedia (which by the way is not a reliable source for information, seeing how anyone can create a Wikipedia page). You don't see me sending you a message when a racially targeted video is liked by you. May I mention the way you slandered that "skinny bitch" at the gym via Instagram video? Or how much "bigger" a "bitch" was in Walmart (your words not mine). Oh and how can I forget, you are so pro rights and equality, but didn't you comment mean words on a gay couples public wedding photo? But yet, my postings that  cover serious topics and have backup, are carefully researched, and posted are the ones you have an issue with.  My postings that are fun and targeted that way you have an issue with also. Even if I were to post an adorable kitty picture you would find a way to hate it. It's interesting, amusing and sad to know that someone I know of is that simple minded.

Fits the status I posted yesterday :" Don't let what others say stop you from the things you want to achieve"

Blessed Day

After she was taken away, many thoughts ran through my mind. I was angry at everyone. I was pissed off to a point where no one could speak to me. I shunned everyone, and laughed at those who said they cared. Losing someone who was honestly there for me from the time I was six years old until she passed was the toughest thing a 12 year old could go through. Try setting up a sleepover and the next day you get really sick. Then all of a sudden you have to cancel because you don't want to get your best friend sick too. Now imagine waking up, feeling better, going to the 7 eleven with your dad and seeing her face on a "missing"  poster on the door. What would you think? I mean y'all just talked like two days ago and planned an epic weekend. You get home and call her house where her 8 year old sister picks up the phone and tells you everything. Then you find out a mutual friend is the one to blame. My heart was in so much pain, the first heartache I've ever experienced in my life, and it happened July of 2002.

When you're younger, you don't know what to think. Your mind can't process what just happened or what might have happened. You blame many people including yourself, I mean hell we were supposed to have a sleepover but I got sick.; see where I'm going with this? It's been 12 years, and I finally can breathe on this day which happens to be her birthday. I've prayed for many things, but for this situation is one I never stopped praying on for 12 years. I see her little sister and how she is blossoming into a beautiful woman. I see her pictures and I'm amazed by all that she has done. I see her mom and her smiling face on my Facebook and I can't help but feel good.  I was in great pain, but I know for a fact theirs is incomparable.

I hear her everyday, she's that slick commenting person in my ear when I do something stupid stating the obvious. She's the one telling me to just chill and let things happen. God is in my other ear telling me to listen because I admit at times I ignore Gods words, and he uses Laney to get his point across. Those two equal a great pair; because of them I know I will always be headed in the right direction. Everyone grieves different, and many didn't know why losing my best friend hit so hard even after all these years. I hope that after they read first paragraph, they can understand why my pain was so deep.

For the past couple posting I've become an open book. I've let it all out there and was unashamed to express myself, or share what happened in some parts of my life. This is one I thought I would never share, but she told me to release. God said it's time to release, so here I am on March 7th 2014 releasing something that's hurt me for the past 12 years.

Happy birthday to the best person I know. Rest in Paradise to the best friend anyone could ever have. Best blessing to her amazing family who are stronger than I can ever be. Love you Delaney Lynn Zutz and Happy Birthday.

Wordsmith

I can't lie I'm a sucker for intellectual conversation.  That type of talking that requires some type of stability and mental growth just soothes my soul. Word play placed in specific forms and educated sentences formed; just does something for me. 

Problem is, many people you come across say what you want to hear. It's hard at times to  decipher the truth and separate reality from the fake. Who's blowing smoke up your butt and who's truly genuine. Many people love word play and many people are wordsmiths. They tend to speak on what eases your ears and heart to get you to calm down. You know those text messages that say "I miss you" when y'all haven't spoken in awhile. Or when someone says they will call and or text because they know you're feeling down, but surprise they don't. But yet when you're in the heat of the moment, upset, hurt and ready to give this other person a piece of your mind; what message do you receive? "I miss you" or "thinking about you" then all of a sudden you forgot why you were mad. 

Wordsmiths tend to manipulate you. They tend to play you against your own emotions and make it seem as if you're "trippin". They are slick individuals who know how to place words at the right times to calm that fire you have inside. They are the ones who have the ability to make anything sound good and realistic, when they have other intentions. Problem is, you lose a little of your truth when you allow that to happen. You lose a little reality when you play the game of chess with your words against theirs. 

When going against a wordsmith you might knock down a couple pawns, while you're busy being satisfied with that; they've already called checkmate. You see, they are one step ahead of you sometimes two or three. They are smart and strategic. The master of manipulation  is what defines a wordsmith to me in this type of situation. Learn this wordy game if you require someone to have a certain amount of lyrical eloquence before you carry on with them. Pay attention to their moves and actions. Don't fall for conversations that only happen on their time; especially if you require a little more for you to be satisfied. Those random texts and phone calls, if they are rare and you expect more make a decision to converse with someone else. Issue with that is, people tend to want to change the wordsmith into being something they aren't, which is simplistic. Some try and talk to those who are hard to get a hold of and will accept any excuse they dish out. In reality that wordsmith doesn't give two licks about what you have going on.

If you desire conversation, seek it. Don't let a wordsmith change your mind and make you complacent with the bare minimum. Settling is changing your worth voluntarily. Changing what fulfills you I order to get someone's attention will always harm you. Dealing with a wordsmith who butters you up will ultimately bring you down. They say life is a game in every aspect. I say life is chess to be specific. It's about brains and brawn. It's about strategy and who will move where first. It's about breaking that wall of pain that's protecting you aka the pawns. It's about getting past those knights and rooks, hoping not to get caught by the bishops while you make the ultimate concur. It's a game to see who will finish where in due time. When you deal with a wordsmith and if you are oblivious to what's about to happen; your pawns, rooks, bishops, queen and king will be taken before your eyes. 

Why? Because wordsmiths know the game of strategy, they know what you will say and they are waiting to counter play. Don't fall easy to those sweet words. Get your game up, and be prepared, leave those wordsmiths and sweet talkers alone. Those who honestly care, will show up despite what's going on around them. Wordsmiths always claim to be there, when in reality they aren't. If you think you have a wordsmith on your hands say this: " You are never there". If they get all iffy and puffed up and now all of a sudden want to talk, you know you have a wordsmith. They can't deal with the reality of what they are. A manipulator who is only there on their time to satisfy what they need and could careless about what you have going on. They will say whatever you want and respond to the bare minimum to keep you in their corner.


When dealing with me, like I said before, I can't lie I'm a sucker for intellectual conversation. What I'm not is a rookie in word play so trying to be a wordsmith with me would be a waste of your time. What's your next move? I already called check mate.